Lovin' on my Boys!

A beautiful day

2012-02-09T21:38:00.000-08:00

Ella loves exploring and is just so so curious about everything! It's so much fun to watch and experience nature alongside her!

Wait. This rock isn't what I thought it would be.

I love that this is our view when we walk to the park!

Kisses for Ella!

This weather makes me long for spring!

My BIG boy!!

2012-02-09T21:20:00.000-08:00

Casey has been doing so many big boy things lately! The timing was actually perfect. Ella has naturally been getting a lot of attention since her homecoming, so we've been intentionally focusing on making Casey feel special. I am relieved to see that instead of regressing (as so many do when a new sibling arrives), he is more excited than ever to prove that he is a big boy!

He learned how to ride a big boy bike.

Since his brothers got a bunk bed, he inherited a big boy bed! (Poor little guy was sleeping on a futon mattress up until now. ;)

And best of all, he is going potty in his big boy potty chair. I should re-iterate... he is peeing in his big boy potty chair. The other one... *sigh* not so much. :0)

I also just signed Casey up for preschool today! This is the first year (after four years of driving Jacob and Gavin to preschool) that we took a break. Between traveling to Russia and staying home with Ella, it has been really nice not to have to worry about preschool. I really miss it though and he is really ready! Plus, his best little friend will be in his class!!

Six weeks!

2012-02-02T22:08:00.000-08:00

Ella has been home over a month already! Some days it feels like we just brought her home and some days it feels like she has always been here. It's been a strange adjustment to go from traveling on back to back trips to Russia to staying home the majority of the time. Almost like you are in a whirlwind and, all of a sudden, it comes to a complete stop. (Not that raising four children isn't a whirlwind in itself, but you get what I mean. ;0)

Although we were careful to stay home for the first several weeks, the bonding/attachment specialist from our agency was giving us some insight to see if Ella is adjusting well enough to slowly introduce her to our "normal" life. (They basically want to see that she is depending on us instead of running into the arms of every random adult she sees. ;) When we first brought Ella home on Christmas Eve, she definitely would go to anybody without a second thought. Everybody was so impressed with how friendly and easy going she was (since her survival in the orphanage depended on going to anyone who would care for her needs)... but it actually wasn't a good thing. I have seen such a huge improvement with this in the past few weeks though!! More often than not, when friends reach out to hold her and she shakes her hand "no" and clings to her mommy. One friend who came over this morning was watching as Ella laid her head on my shoulder and snuggled into Adam and said, "Wow! She is incredibly bonded with you both already!" Which for an adoptive mom, is music to your ears. :)

So after several weeks, we are finally starting to venture out! Last weekend, we braved shopping with all four kids in search of a bunk bed for Jacob and Gavin. Instead of the "Wow, three boys! You sure have your hands full!" comments, we are now getting "So you finally got your girl!" comments. That's one thing about adopting from Russia, everyone assumes she's biological. We love telling them she's adopted though... it usually strikes up conversation and an opportunity to share our story.

I'm not gonna lie, life with four kids is seriously busy! At one point yesterday, I set out to empty the dish washer and with all of the distractions in-between, it was another two hours before it finally got unloaded. Potty training Casey has definitely added to the craziness. Thank goodness (probably due to the fact he is three and a half... and that he will do almost anything for treats ;) potty training has been going well so far. I was worried about Casey being jealous of Ella, but it ends up that lately Ella has been more jealous of Casey! Even if I am playing with her at the same time, as soon as my attention shifts to Casey, Ella will let me know that she is one unhappy camper. I guess, bonding-wise, it's a good thing she wants mommy all to herself? Gavin cracked me up the other day because he saw Ella crying when I was giving Casey a hug and he said, "Mommy, I think Ella wants you to hug her too." He is all about protecting his little sister already!!

Feeding Sy. Again. ;)

We asked Casey if he wanted Ella to sleep with him. We were joking, but he seemed okay with it. Until a few minutes later when we heard, "Mommy, get E-wa back in her crib!"

Reaching for Casey's potty treats...

... got 'em!

Saturday morning forts

Ella's horsie (from a very special friend)

Taking a bath with her big brother!

Considering she just broke two molars, she is one happy girl!

Winter wonderland

2012-01-23T10:34:00.000-08:00

We were so excited to get some SNOW!! There was a little bit of snow in Russia... not much though! (Our tour guide was saying it was the mildest winter she had ever seen!) Plus, we wanted to play in the snow with our kids!!

Ella was loving it too!!

When it snows, we break out the go-cart, motorcycle, sleds... pretty much everything we can find!!

The boys made their first snowman all by themselves!! Jacob said, "Come on Gavin, let's use teamwork!" It was super sweet.

Meanwhile, Casey was throwing snowballs at me from our play fort.

The finished product with golden coins, a sucker, and Jacob's snow hat!

Daddy taking the boys out for a ride!

Ella even joined them for a bit (and daddy went really slow ;)

It kept snowing...

and snowing...

...and snowing!

Casey's favorite thing was for us to throw him snowballs and he would chop them in half, saying, "Hi-YAH!"

This is our neighbor's quad... but Adam is sure trying to convince me that our family needs one! :)

Gavin's hair was cracking me up!

Sweet girl... feeling right at home.

My little Case!

Ella is teething like crazy... she wants to knaw on everything!

Watching all the boys play!

Daddy definitely helped with this snowman. I think it's the tallest one we've ever built!!

Later that night, we came out for more fun! All of the "toppings" had fallen off the snowman's face, so Adam created his own masterpiece. ;)

And Casey built his first lil' snowman all by himself!

The icicles were shooting out everywhere from our tree... so beautiful!

Love this icicle with my family playing in the background.

A winter wonderland for sure. The power went out over the next few days and that wasn't as fun. ;) By the time it came back on, our snow was all gone. :( :(

3 weeks

2012-01-16T23:04:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, Jacob was telling me nonchalantly that Ella had been home for nineteen days. Just out of pure curiosity, I counted the days on my calendar only to discover that he was right... nineteen to the day. Amazing!

We are learning more and more about Ella each day. She absolutely loves the bath. Which surprises me because I'm pretty sure she never had a bath in the orphanage, so I thought she would be really scared. Nope. She squeals in delight and splashes around with the biggest smile on her face. It has become a routine that I really look forward to. Ella also loves going outside (which is perfect because it has been snowing)!!! Every time I grab her jacket and shoes, she runs to the door and squeals in delight. The wind, rain, and snow all make her gasp and smile simultaneously. I think all the snow reminds her of Russia... and she feels right at home. ;)

Ella is learning a lot too. She is learning what the love of a family means. She is learning to trust us to take care of her. She is learning daddy's looks when she is doing something she isn't supposed to do. She is learning that dog food tastes yucky. She is learning sign language and saying, "Mama, dada, and El-la." When I was tucking her into bed the other night, she even mimicked me and said, "Tuck, tuck, tuck!" My mom taught Ella how to blow kisses a few weeks ago and she blows them for me each night as I tuck her into bed. Nothing could show me love more than staring down at her as she sweetly blows each kiss. (Plus, she giggles when I blow them back. ;)

I was talking to the bonding/attachment specialist from our adoption agency, and she was thrilled to hear how Ella is doing... especially how well she is sleeping and eating. She advised to keep Ella home and her world as "small as possible" for the first few weeks. Growing accustomed to her new home and family (especially Adam and I), is of utmost importance. We are blessed that Adam's vacation happened to fall in January this year so he has been home the entire time. So we are mostly home bound for now... another reason we are thankful for the snow!!

We also got Ella's blood and kidney ultrasound results back and everything looks normal and healthy! This was a huge praise since her medical referral stated that there may be a concern with her kidneys. Also her blood tithers showed that she does in fact have immunity to diphtheria, polio, and hepatitis A, just as was recorded in her Russian shot records... so we don't have to do those shots again. Yay!

We were visiting with one of my friends who just had a baby and it was the sweetest moment. Ella walked right over to him and was carefully patting his head and kissing his tummy over and over. She couldn't get enough of him!! I couldn't help but think about all those sweet babies in the orphanage that she must have helped take care of... she was probably just so excited to see a baby again. :) I got to experience first-hand how loving and sweet the caretakers in her orphanage were. They must have been great models of how to take care of a baby because Ella knew just what to do!!

All dolled up and ready to go!

Watching her brothers paint their wooden cars!

Building legos for Ella... their favorite thing to do!

This duo is the sweetest ever

Most of my pictures seem to be of Ella and Gavin... he just can't get enough of her!!

The aftermath of chocolate chip cookies

Ella loves climbing the stairs and just learned how to come back down!

She also loves throwing Sy food when we aren't looking...

...and as a result, Ella is Sy's new best friend!

Oh, and did I tell you I have another friend who decided to adopt from Russia with our same adoption agency! God is so GOOD!! I am beyond excited that two more sweet babies in Russia will have loving families!! I love the concept of one less... and I love even more that they are adding up. :)

When your heart is outside your body

2012-01-13T23:27:00.000-08:00

I have been meaning to write this post forever. Seriously, it's been in the back of my head for more than a year. I just haven't written it yet. You see, there is this little boy who I love more than anything in the world. (For the record, I love all my lil' ones more than anything in the world ;) Jacob was my very first though. The first positive pregnancy test, the first kicks in my tummy, the first time I held my very own baby. My eyes filled with tears when he got his first shots, his first Little Gym medal, sang at his first Christmas program, stepped onto the bus for his first day of Kindergarten. When people say having a child is like having your heart outside of your body, they nailed it right on the head.

Jacob is just so happy and loving. It's what I adore most about him. He just has this contagious smile and look of pure joy on his face that makes my heart spill over. Jacob gets excited about the simplest things, but is devastated when days like his birthday and Christmas come to an end. I have found that he's just like his mommy in that he longs for something to look forward to. So each time something exciting comes to an end, we just look forward to the next exciting thing!

People say that boys love their mommies, and I definitely feel beyond blessed to get so. much. love. from all three of my boys. I'll get these special cuddle moments on the couch with Casey and Gavin and heartfelt "I love yous" from them every so often, but Jacob ~ he tells me all day long... and I never, ever tire of it. "I love you soooooo much Mommy. You're the best mommy in the world. I love you in my whole heart. More than anything. A decillion. To Pluto and back." Last night, while we were lying in bed, I asked him why he loved me so much and he said, "Because you take care of us, and you're so nice, and you adopted us a baby sister!" Sometimes he will grab onto me and we will just hug for these heart-melting moments that I wish could last forever.

The reason I write this is... because I know it's inevitable that it won't last forever. I can feel a huge lump in my throat just thinking about it. I can't picture life without Jacob jumping into my arms and cuddling with me on the couch and telling me over and over again how much he loves me. I can't picture life without him running off the bus to me grinning from ear to ear. I can't picture life without my happy little Jacob. But I know this world is full of hurt. I think Jacob is starting to see it too ~ because he told me last night that he asked four of his little friends to play with him at recess and every one said no. He said he was starting to feel like a lonely friend. Ugh, how that hurts my heart to hear. Like rips it into a billion trillion pieces. I would give up all of my friends just so he could have one. I wish they could see the same sweet, endearing boy that I do. I wish they could see how they are crushing his spirit, taking away a piece of his joyful nature that I love the most. I know they are only eight, but if this is what happens at eight... well, I shudder to think what will happen in middle school.

When Jacob was little, I could make everything better. I could immerse his entire world with hugs, love, and words of affirmation. I could fix every owie with a band-aid. I could kiss away every tear. I could bring a smile to his face in an instant. Oh, how I wish he could stay little forever. That he could stay happy forever. That I could protect him forever. That his heart would never hurt. That friends would never say no. That being said, I am so thankful for a God who loves us unconditionally. I am so thankful that Jacob already tells me how much he loves God back. When I think about what is truly important in life, what I wish for our children more than anything else... it's not how many friends they have, but that they have faith and trust in God. Only God can heal every hurt. Fill his heart with joy like nothing else. Pull him along through this hurtful world into a life of eternal paradise. I am so blessed and thankful that God gave me Jacob. I will be loving and praying for my little guy until my last breath.

God Found Us You

2012-01-10T19:53:00.000-08:00

I love this book. One night I went a little crazy on Amazon and ordered almost every picture book I could find about adoption for Ella. A lot of them were really good, but sometimes the author would write something that wasn't really the way I would say it. Then I read God Found Us You. I have the books God Gave Us You and God Gave Us Two, but I had no idea the author had written a book specifically for adoption! The first time I read it, tears welled up in my eyes... actually to be honest, I was sobbing. It was everything I wanted to say to Ella, in almost the exact way I would say it. Adam didn't understand why I would sob over a childrens book, but it just made my heart spill over. So I thought I would share it with you.

God Found Us You

Little Fox cuddled up to Mama Fox one night and said sleepily, "Mama, tell me again about the day I came home."

"Oh yes," Mama said with a smile. "That is my favorite story of all. When God found us you, it made me the happiest mother in the world."
"Just by coming home??" Little Fox asked with a yawn.
"Especially by coming home," Mama said.

"For so long, I dreamed of you," she said, snuggling closer.
"Bout me?"
"About you. I dreamed of how you would look, smell, even what you would sound like. And every day I thought of how wonderful it would be to hold you in my arms."

"I started seeing you everywhere. In the leaves of the giant oak and in the bark of the pine. Even in the stars! Oh, how I longed for the day that you would arrive, when God would find us you."

"And then I came?"
"Oh no. No matter how much I prayed it would happen, I still had to wait."
"You waited and waited?"
"And waited. But I knew that someday you'd arrive, when God would find us you."

"It made it hard to see other mamas with their children," she said, like she was telling a secret.
"You were lonely for me?"
"Very. I could not wait until the day you'd come, the day God would find us you."

"I'd go up the cliffs and watch for you. I stood there day... after day... after day."

"Did you ever want to give up?" Little Fox asked.
"Sometimes," Mama said, rubbing her Little Fox's cheek with hers. "But I trusted that God knew you, and knew me, and knew when we'd fit perfectly together."

Little Fox paused. "How come I couldn't stay with the mother who had me?"
"She must have had very big reasons to give you up. She must have thought it was best for you."
"Did she have fur like mine? Eyes like mine?"
"Most likely," Mama smiled softly.
"She must have been as beautiful are you are handsome."

"I think she prayed like crazy that you would be safe, Little Fox. I think she prayed for me as much as I prayed for her." Mama's voice got all whispery. "And God answered both our prayers."
"I came then? To you?"
Mama nodded, happy tears in her eyes. "You came then. When God found us you, you made me the happiest mama in the world."

Little Fox smiled and then thought for a moment. "Mama, will you be my forever mama?"

"Always and forever. No matter what," she promised. "This is where you belong. Here, with me, my sweet child. You are mine. The best gift in the whole wide world. I will always love you and treasure you and celebrate the day you came, the day God found us you."

Mama Fox tucked Little Fox into bed and he giggled through her last kisses. They said their prayers and whispered, "Nighty night," just like they always did. Little Fox was glad that he had a cozy home and good food and a mama who loved him very, very much. And he went to sleep dreaming about the day he came to the big woods... and first smelled his mama... and knew he was loved... and finally home.

"When God found us you," Mama Fox whispered in his dreams, "you made me the happiest mama in the world."

______________________________________________________________

Jacob, Gavin, Casey and I were praying together the other night... and I realized something. Every night for over a year, we've been praying for their baby sister in Russia, praying that she was safe and happy and healthy. Praying that she could feel our love, even if it's halfway around the world. Praying that God would wrap her in His arms and take care of her when we couldn't. Now here she was, sleeping soundly in her crib across the hall. We don't have to hope and pray she is safe and happy and healthy anymore. She is here! She is safe and happy and healthy... she is loved beyond measure... and we are so blessed to finally have her home.

A week later...

2012-01-05T20:50:00.000-08:00

Things are going a lot better now that we are all adjusted to our regular time zone again! After giving Ella a few days to sleep as much and as frequently as she needed, we decided the best thing would be getting her back on a schedule. As soon as we did that, Ella seemed much more happy and at ease. It makes sense really, since Ella has been on such a strict schedule in the orphanage. She never skipped a nap to go to the zoo or the Children's Museum or the swimming pool. She never left the orphanage at all... so she never deviated from her schedule. We realized that the only thing we can give her that is consistent and familiar is keeping her schedule to the best of our ability here. And now for three nights in a row, she has been sleeping through the night!

Ella is doing really well for everything she has been through. We took her to the same International Adoption Center that explained her medical report when we got our referral. Even though her weight lies in the 5th percentile for her age, the doctor said it was amazing for being in an orphanage. She gave me some really good advice on parenting, language skills, and bonding/attachment. They are VERY thorough on these international babies, so Ella had to have a tuberculosis test in one arm, way too many blood vials drawn out of her other arm, three shots... plus they discovered she had a double ear infection. :( She has had a little bit of a cold ever since our first visit to the orphanage, so I'm hoping she hasn't had an ear infection too long! They sent me home with a referral for an eye doctor, a referral for a ultrasound on her kidney, and containers for me to collect stool samples. Whew!

Adoption is different though. Sooooooo different. We can't necessarily handle things the same way we did with our boys. Bonding is our top priority... so if that means we hold Ella most of the day, we hold her most of the day. Sometimes when we set her down, she walks around and explores... sometimes when we set her down, she cries because she wants to be held some more. So we do. I especially love our bonding moments before bed as I give her a bottle and she looks up at me. Sometimes she points to her nose and then my nose while I say, "Ella. Mommy." I can tell she is starting to trust that I will take care of her. :) I can't even fathom the thought that this sweet girl has never had a mommy to take care of her before.

The boys continue to be so amazingly sweet with her. They make me such a proud mommy. Here are some pictures when words aren't enough.

Everyone patting Ella's back to console her at the same time.

Casey showing Ella how her new toy works

We love our new sister!!

Cuddles with daddy

This one's for my mom... she loves messy face pictures. ;)

One of my friends made Ella a cookie, with ingredients especially for babies. :)

Ella loves our trampoline!!

Both boys trying to feed her puffs simultaneously

I found Casey laying with his hand on Ella's tummy when she wasn't feeling well the other night. I'm not sure it gets any sweeter than that...

Gavin still continues to amaze me with with how much he wants to read to, play with, and comfort his baby sister. ;)

Ready for our first outing! Too bad it was a doctor's appointment. ;(

What she's eating: We have mostly been feeding Ella fruit and veggie purees, bread, bananas, and milk (trying to stay consistent with what she was fed at the orphanage). Our IA doctor told us to stay on formula a bit longer (for the extra vitamins) and that if she is finger feeding, to give her as much regular food as we can. So she sat with us at the table last night, feeding herself chicken and rice! I also had her try oatmeal this morning and it was the cutest thing in the world. Apparently, she LOVED it. Her eyes got huge, she squealed in delight, and motioned with her hands that she wanted more, MORE! Hilarious. Maybe oatmeal is the closest thing to porridge? ;) To teach Ella everyone's names, we touch her nose and say, "Ella" and touch somebody else's nose and say their name. To my surprise, when I was feeding her oatmeal, she touched her nose and touched the bowl. I'm pretty sure it was her way of wanting to know what this yummy stuff was called!!

What she's saying: Ella can say da, da, da (we aren't sure if she's trying to say daddy or "yes" in Russian) and I swear I've heard her say El-la on more than one occasion! I definitely wouldn't be surprised if that was her first word because we're saying her name constantly! Other than that, she mostly babbles and tries to mimic us. We can tell she's picking up English quickly because she waves when we say "hi" or "bye", immediately looks when we say Ella, and stops what she doing (for the most part) when we say "no". We are also teaching her simple sign language, which she happily mimics.

How she's sleeping: Ella is taking a morning and afternoon nap, and sleeping from 8 o'clock at night to 7 o'clock in the morning. We are blessed! One night, I got up because Casey was having a nightmare and as I laid with him in bed, I could hear Ella making soft kissing noises from her crib. :)

Our biggest challenge is getting used to four kids (one of them being a toddler who is walking around everywhere and putting everything in her mouth). I forgot how busy little ones are! One morning, I was feeling overwhelmed and Adam offered to watch the kids so I could go to Zumba and get a coffee. I'm so thankful for an understanding husband who knows just what I need! I also left the house with all four kids yesterday... and realized I may never leave the house again. :) Totally kidding... but all in all, we're taking one day at a time and sooooo thankful our little girl is finally home!

Christmas Day

2012-01-05T08:30:00.000-08:00

The boys were so excited to wake up to stockings and more presents! Gotta love the Christmas morning bed head. :)

All dressed up...

and heading out to Grammy's house!

SO excited our baby sister is here!!!

There is a high probability that Ella has never seen a dog before, but she took it all in stride. ;)

Presents

Beyblades battles

Computer games

Piggy back rides

New DS

The funniest moment of the night was Maddie's Puss and Boots impression.. we couldn't stop laughing!!

One of my favorite Christmas memories was watching Ella with my sister. Heidi would peek around the kitchen corner and say, "Boo!" and Ella would run away shrieking in delight... but inch her way back every time for more fun with her auntie! :)

Ella and Cousin Travis

Checkin' out the Christmas tree

Merry Christmas sweet girl! We love you!

Christmas Eve

2012-01-01T19:58:00.000-08:00

With the time change in Russia, we had a 36 hour Christmas Eve! Unfortunately, fourteen of those hours were spent on an airplane. As long and trying as the flight was, we were blessed to have the front row seat in coach with a bassinet. :) So it could have been so. much. worse. Ella slept for about two hours, cried for about two hours, and we spent the rest of the flight trying to feed and entertain her. Did I mention it was a long flight? ;) We survived though... I feel like we deserve a t-shirt or something!

My mom met us at the airport because she just couldn't wait another day to meet her!!

I couldn't believe that after such a long flight (and the fact that it was 2 in the morning in Russia), Ella still had smiles and giggles for her Grammy. Sweet girl. :)

Grammy brought Ella a welcome home balloon, a baby doll, a bell, bubbles, the Christmas outfit she is wearing, and a blanket that she spent months knitting. Ella loved them all.

We were a little worried how Ella would do in a car seat, since she has never been in one before. She was asleep in less than five minutes! Interestingly enough, she has fallen asleep within five minutes every time we have put her in it since!

Up and ready to meet everyone!

I love the expressions on everyone's faces in this picture. Adam's dad texted me a few minutes before we arrived to tell me he was literally pacing at the door.

Ella and Jacob. Love at first sight.

Gavin meeting his sister for the first time!

Ella definitely got lots of hugs, kisses, and cuddles on Christmas Eve!

Uncle Peter and Aunt Melisa

Ella with Aunt Marlys

All of the cousins were beyond excited to dance with Santa again!

Ella and cousin Olivia (overjoyed that there is another girl to play with!)

Taking care of their baby sister already ;)

Time to open presents!

Flashlights from Aunt Melisa and Uncle Peter

Best Christmas present EVER.

Touring Moscow

2012-01-01T19:55:00.000-08:00

My dad told us if there was one thing we should do while we are in Moscow, it would be to take a tour of Red Square and the highlights of the city. So we booked a tour through our hotel and I couldn't be more happy that we did. When an elderly lady met us in the lobby of our hotel, I was a bit skeptical... but she was absolutely amazing. She took us for a two hour car ride around the city, showed us around Red Square, and helped us take the metro back home. Not a moment went by where she wasn't telling us about the history of her country with pride. She was so knowledgeable and I was absolutely hanging off of every word she said.

A man-made ski jump on the banks of the Moskva River.

Olympic Stadium was built for the 1980 Summer Olympics and hosted the basketball and boxing events. The 2014 Olympics are scheduled to be celebrated from February 7-23, 2014 in Sochi, Russia. These are the first Olympics (and first Winter Olympics altogether) for the Russian Federation, as the 1980 Summer Olympics were in the former Soviet Union.

Everywhere we went, there was a Christmas tree on display. :)

Founded in 1755, Moscow University is the oldest university in Russia and has the tallest educational building in the world.

Another Christmas tree with Father Frost (similar to our Santa Claus).

Thirteen days after Western Christmas, on January 7th, the Russian Orthodox Church celebrates its Christmas, in accordance with the old Julian calendar. After the 1917 Revolution, Christmas was banned throughout Russia, along with other religious celebrations. It wasn't until 75 years later, in 1992, that the holiday was openly observed.

One of the most imposing and controversial buildings in Russia, the resurrected Cathedral of Christ the Savior has had a short but turbulent history. It was originally commissioned after the defeat of Napoleon, but construction did not begin until 1839. Designed by the great St. Petersburg architect Konstantin Ton (who was also responsible for the Grand Kremlin Palace and the Kremlin Armoury), the cathedral is only a few minutes' walk from the Kremlin. For fairly obvious reasons, it was singled out by the Soviet government for destruction and, in 1931, blown to pieces to make way for a proposed Palace of Soviets, one of the most influential pieces of architecture never to be built. The symbolic significance of the site was reaffirmed after the fall of the Soviet Union, when ambitious Moscow Mayor Yuri Luzhkov joined forces with the Orthodox Church to resurrect the cathedral 11 years ago in a $360-million reconstruction project.

Both geographically and historically, the Kremlin stands at the very heart of Moscow. Sited on the northern bank of the Moscow River, its doors have opened to Russian tsars, Bolshevik revolutionaries and leaders of the Soviet Union... today it is the seat of the Russian Government. The Kremlin walls, surmounted by 20 towers, envelope beautiful fifteenth- and sixteenth-century cathedrals and churches in Cathedral Square, the Great Kremlin Palace, the Patriarch's Palace and the Palace of Congresses.

At this point in our tour, Ella fell asleep in the car. ;)

The Bolshoi Theater is a historic theater, which holds performances of ballet and opera. The Bolshoi Ballet and Bolshoi Opera are amongst the oldest and most renowned ballet and opera companies in the world. The main building of the theater, rebuilt and renovated several times during its history, is a landmark of Moscow and Russia and depicted on the Russian 100 Ruble.

KGB was the national security agency of the Soviet Union from 1954 until 1991, and was the premier internal security, intelligence, and secret police organization during that time.

This was where our cab driver dropped us off to tour Red Square. Our guide helped us make sure that Ella was appropriately bundled. ;)

A kiss in front of St. Basils Cathedral (see more below :)

The name Red Square derives neither from the color of the bricks around it (which, in fact, were whitewashed at certain points in history) nor from the link between the color red and communism. Rather, the name came about because the Russian word красная (krasnaya) can mean either "red" or "beautiful". This word, with the meaning "beautiful", was originally applied to Saint Basil's Cathedral and was subsequently transferred to the nearby square. It is believed that the square acquired its current name in the 17th century.

There is a beautiful fountain here when the weather is warmer...

Also in the square is the sixteenth-century Ivan the Great Bell Tower, the tallest structure in the Kremlin, and at the foot of it lies the cracked Tsar Bell.

St. Basil's Cathedral, sitting at the far end of Red Square, with its instantly recognizable and colorful, onion-shaped domes and spires, has graced the square for over four centuries. Built to commemorate Ivan the Terrible's capture of the Mongol stronghold of the Kazan in 1552, its popular name commemorates St. Basil the Blessed who foretold the Moscow fire of 1547 and whose remains were buried in the former cathedral that stood on this site.

There is an ice-skating rink in the middle of Red Square during the winter.

Just outside the eastern Kremlin wall, facing Red Square, is the Lenin Mausoleum, which contains the embalmed corpse of the first Soviet leader, Vladimir Lenin, who died in 1924. (If you look closely you can see the five Cyrillic letters that spell Lenin.) Lying in a glass casket, his orange-tinted face and hands look waxy and are bathed in a halo of light. When it was suggested that the mausoleum could be closed down, communist extremists strongly protested by blowing up a monument to Nicholas II, so the subject has remained on hold ever since.

After his death in 1953, Soviet leader Joseph Stalin's remains were embalmed and put on display next to Vladimir Lenin. Hundreds of thousands of people came to see the Generalissimo in the mausoleum. Eight years later, the Soviet government ordered Stalin's remains removed from the tomb.

When Stalin's body was quietly removed from the mausoleum, there were no ceremonies and no fanfare. About 300 feet from the mausoleum, Stalin's body was buried near other minor leaders of the Revolution. Stalin's body was placed near the Kremlin wall, half-hidden by trees. A simple dark granite stone marks the grave with the very simple, "J. V. STALIN 1879-1953."

Just behind Lenin's Mausoleum, the walls of the Kremlin are 19 meters high and six-and-a-half meters thick and are the resting place for the Bolsheviks who died during the battle for Moscow in 1917. Also retained in the walls are the ashes of Maxim Gorky and Yuriy Gagarin, the first man in space.

Of course, there is a Christmas tree in Red Square ;)

Another view of St. Basil's Cathedral

The GUM department store in Red Square

Little kids can go down this slide and Father Frost is waiting at the bottom.

Adam said it reminded him of when Ralphie sat on Santa's lap in "A Christmas Story".

A Christmas tree built with champagne bottles

Our tour guide was the best in the world. I loved her!!

My first subway experience!

I am so stinking glad we had a tour guide. We never would have figured this out on our own!!

Supposedly rubbing the nose of this dog meant good luck to the Russian people. Almost everyone who walked by rubbed his nose... no joke!

The beautiful artwork inside the metro. I read that the metro in Moscow is larger than the ones in New York and Paris combined!

Stopping after the tour for pizza and a cappuccino.

I am so glad we waited to go on this tour with Ella (even if she slept through most of it ;). I can't wait to show her pictures of how she explored Moscow with us someday.

Bringing Ella Home

2011-12-28T22:57:00.000-08:00

Push play at the bottom (or press un-mute) to make the music play too :)

Our "after the airport"

2011-12-27T23:59:00.000-08:00

It feels amazing to be home, but the adjustment has been harder than we thought. With our adoption, there have been a lot of challenges including paperwork, waiting for our first travel dates, traveling to Russia and back three times, preparing for court, living out of a hotel, the flight home... but after the airport has been our biggest challenge yet. It's funny because we definitely came to the orphanage "expecting the worst and hoping for the best"... but somehow we figured since she was doing so well there, she would continue to do really well at home. (Did I really say she didn't cry at first? Yeah, that was definitely the honeymoon. ;) It's been a tough few days. Our poor little girl has had her schedule completely flipped upside-down and you can tell she isn't happy about it. :( She is up for several hours at a time during the night and is exhausted for most of the day. One minute she will be running around and laughing... the next minute she is crying incessantly on the floor. I know she's been through a lot... I totally get it... going from the orphanage to the hotel to a fourteen hour plane ride to coming home on Christmas Eve is A LOT.

Adam and I woke up exhausted this morning. I was up with Ella most of the night (just when I would get her to sleep, she would jolt awake as if she were never asleep to begin with), our house was a wreck due to unpacking, loads of laundry, and piles of Christmas presents. Our dishwasher was broken. We just didn't even know where to start... and well, add four kids to that, and it's pretty overwhelming. I accidentally left Casey's bagel in the toaster, forgot Gavin asked me an hour before to help him find something, and was trying to pick up legos the older boys were dropping so Ella didn't put them in her mouth (we forgot what it's like to have a one year-old)... Thankfully, with help from friends, we picked ourselves up and got it together. I was reading some books tonight and realizing that I have a lot to be thankful for. The fact that Ella is crying when I put her down or leave the room is actually a good thing. It means she is attaching to me, which is the most important thing right now. I read her some books tonight too and she was absolutely enthralled with them... I can't help but wonder if she has ever seen a book before. I fed her a bottle and she fell asleep in my lap. These are the moments I am seeking out and holding onto.

As the book I read tonight put it, "Parents who have had to work so hard to become parents may expect bliss. And while I wish for you nothing less, at best it will be fleeting emotion and at worst it will elude you like a recalcitrant toddler. You are jet-lagged and adjusting to a significant change in your life. Your child is jet-lagged and adjusting to an even larger change in her life. Throw in unpaid bills, unanswered calls, and visitors at the door and you've got the makings of something, but it's probably not bliss."

"Change is stressful, even positive change, and from your child's point of view, adoption is the total change of everything she knows. She faces new caregivers, new environment, new smells, new sounds, new foods, a new bed, a new schedule, new expectations, and the list goes on and on. When you think about it, it's a miracle the poor kid is even functioning. And this explains the times when she isn't. How she behaves in the first couple of months is no indication of how she'll be in the future. None of us is at our best (or even at our normal) when we are frightened and stressed. I would certainly hate to be judged at that time. Regardless of how your child behaves, remember that she is not being bad, she is not trying to ruin your life or your home or your family. She is coping the only way she knows how. However hard it is on you, it is harder on her. Tell her how brave and capable she is to handle all that has been thrown at her. Even if she doesn't understand you, she'll pick up on the tone and it will remind you as well."

Reading this made me feel better, like everything I'm going through is normal and expected. So I want to thank you for your prayers and support. Thank you for the welcome home signs, brownies, and muffins. Thank you for the dinners so I can focus on bonding with Ella, but still make time for our boys. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder. Thank you for your phone calls and texts just to let me know you're thinking of me. Thank you for your excitement for us in bringing her home. Thank you for understanding that it's a hard adjustment at first. Thank you for showing me what being a friend means through it all.

Another blog I read writes:
"We are parenting damaged, traumatized children; don't let the pictures fool you. We're in the weeds. Every minute is on; there is no off. We've arrived late, cancelled altogether, hunkered down in therapy mode, missed appointments, failed to answer hundreds of emails in a timely manner, left voicemails unlistened to, texts unread, we've restructured, regrouped, replanned, reorganized, we've punted and called audibles, we've left the bigs on their own, hoping they are functioning well on auto-pilot after a lifetime of healthy stability, and sometimes, we put "Tangled" on for the eleventh time and cry in the bathroom.

We are exhausted beyond measure.

I know what you're thinking: You asked for this. Yes we did. And we'd ask for it again, with full disclosure and foreknowledge. We would. We would say yes to adoption. We would do it all over again. We might do it all over again in the future.

That does not mean we are not exhausted."

Many of you have asked about the boys and they are doing really well. I have always thought Jacob would be the most excited... due to the fact he thinks this adoption was all his idea and has always always wanted a baby sister. Gavin has been giving him a run for his money though. Since he is our chill, laid-back one, I thought he would be indifferent for the most part. He has been everything but indifferent though. It is the absolute sweetest, most endearing thing to watch. He constantly waves at her and says, "Hi baby sister!!" When she cries, he tries to comfort her. He brings her toys, but not dolls and all the girly stuff that he would never play with... he brings her his absolute favorite toys. Last night, it was time for bed and he even offered Ella one of the stuffed animals he has slept with every night since he was two! Ella brought all of the boys matryoshka dolls from Russia for Christmas and last night when Adam was holding her on the couch, Gavin whispered, "Thanks for the Christmas present, Ella. I really liked it." Heart. melted. Casey has been doing a lot better than I gave him credit for as well. Although he hasn't been overly affection with her, he hasn't been jealous or clinging to me either. If anything, he seems to be taking on the big brother role of being independent and dependable. Almost as if he sees her crying and knows that he has to be. I am definitely taking every opportunity to love on him though so hopefully that has helped too. They have all been amazing... when we needed them the most.

As I type, I can hear Adam talking to Ella like she is his whole world and she is cooing and giggling in response. It gives me hope... that the only reason she has been so upset is because she is going through so many simultaneous changes. Our sweet little girl crossed twelve time zones (I remember feeling like it was a challenge just for the boys to get used to the one hour time change of Daylight Savings!) into a whole different world, different language, different people... and we are doing our best to love her through it.

Bringing her home on Christmas Eve was amazing though. Watching the expressions of siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins as they met Ella for the first time... priceless moments I will hold in my heart forever. Pictures coming soon.

Another day with Ella!

2011-12-22T10:59:00.000-08:00

Up and ready for another day!

All bundled up with a hat my friend crocheted for her. :)

We decided to take a morning outing to McDonalds.

Can you believe this is what it looks like at nine in the morning in Moscow?

Ella's first McDonald's experience! (And definitely not her last... ha!)

She shared Blini (Russian pancakes) with Daddy

And fell asleep on the stroller ride home. ;)

We went to the U.S. Embassy today to get Ella's passport and visa. He shared a lot of information with us like: She is still a Russian citizen until her papers are stamped at customs in SeaTac. Therefore, if we get stuck in the Paris on our way home... we should NOT leave the airport. Ella will have dual citizenship until she turns 18. At that time, she may choose if she wants to revoke her Russian citizenship or maintain a dual citizenship. If children who are born in Russia return there after the age of 18, they may be enlisted for 18 months of mandatory military service.

Ella and Kelsianna (the little girl our friends adopted!)

I'm not sure how well they knew each other in the orphanage... but now they are BFFs. ;)

We went out for one last dinner with our friends. They are leaving tomorrow morning, which is a little emotional for me. We've been through a lot together and made lifelong memories along the way. I still remember meeting them in the lobby of this same hotel... seems like yesterday, but so much has happened! They are an amazing couple and I truly hope we can get the girls (and us) together again someday.

Our last day in Moscow is tomorrow... so we are finally off to see Red Square! If I don't get a chance to post anything, please keep our fourteen hour plane ride on Christmas Eve in your prayers! :)

Yaroslavl

2011-12-22T02:40:00.000-08:00

We got to do some sightseeing in Yaroslavl (the town where Ella was born) on Gotcha Day, right before we went to the orphanage. Here are some interesting facts I found after doing some research...
Yaroslavl was officially founded in 1010 by Prince Yaroslav. Before that, it was a small but growing trading post inhabited by pagans who worshiped a sacred bear. According to legend, Yaroslav rode into the village, killed the bear with his axe and thus subdued the city. Today, the fabled site of the ceremonious killing is marked by a large stone monument and the city's emblem features a bear and an axe.

Located along the banks of the Volga and Kotorosl rivers, the city was long an important commercial center. After being declared the capital of its region in 1218, the first stone buildings were built, although none of them survive to this day. By 1463, Yaroslavl was usurped politically by Moscow, and it was never to regain its former power, except for a brief period in the 17th century when it was temporarily made the capital of Russia after the Poles and Lithuanians captured Moscow. With over 600,000 residents, Yaroslavl is, by population, the largest town on the Volga.

Here is the Kremlin in Yaroslavl
(There was also a gift shop here, so we were able to buy something special for Ella from her birthplace)

Here is the church of St. John the Baptist, featured on their 1000 ruble.

Parliament of the Yaroslavl region, with an ice skating rink in front :)

Here is the infamous Volga river (the largest river in Europe) on which Yaroslavl is located

The top of the river is almost frozen over!

The doors to the orphanage in Yaroslavl, where our little girl spent the first year of her life.

Our first day with Ella

2011-12-21T11:00:00.000-08:00

The orphanage left us with Ella's schedule yesterday, so we are trying to stay with it the best we can. Obviously we don't have porridge (and tea just seems really weird to give to a baby), but she has been really happy with formula, bananas, bread, and baby food!

We dressed up Ella and decided to go on our first family outing!

Here is she all "babushka-ed" up as Adam and I like to call it. When we talked to our adoption agency representative, she told us how important it was to completely bundle her up... to the point where you only see her eyes and nose. Did I do a good job??

It's snowing in Moscow!

I thought I'd give a few examples of how Russians dress. See, I told you they love high heeled boots! ;)

So our first outing... was to Starbucks! Of course. ;)

Daddy's hat...

Mommy's hat...

Ella's hat!

Having her favorite snack while Mommy and Daddy get their coffee fix. ;)

Then we went to the mall for lunch. The mall in Moscow is enormous... seven floors and we get lost every time!

The Russian doctor visited our hotel this morning for a routine check-up (needed for the visa). He said she looked amazing, we just needed to fatten her up a bit. Okay... cinnabons for lunch it is!!

Walking the mall with daddy

We found a super fun little store that was perfect for Ella! Miniature shopping carts, strollers, vacuum cleaners, toy kitchens... all for her to play with! She was in heaven. Adam and I decided we would come to this store for at least an hour each day we are here. :)

Russia has some seriously cool toys. Really expensive, but quality... and very unique!

Everyone that sees her in the mall immediately coddles her and talks "baby Russian". It's hilarious because she totally seems to understand what they are saying and we have no idea. I think it is comforting for her to hear Russian after listening to us speak nonsense English all day. (Although sometimes, I will use the few Russian words I know just so she hears something familiar).

Ella is the sweetest baby girl! She is down for anything and is seriously so good natured! She loves walking around and exploring, but is also happy to be pushed around in the stroller. I also had fun trying out the ergo in the hotel. (Adam doesn't want me to take her outside in it though because he thinks I will slip. ;) She really hasn't cried, maybe this is the honeymoon though? People say orphanage babies have learned that people don't necessarily respond when you cry, so they eventually give up (which breaks my heart). Ella is truly the most mellow baby I've ever seen... she just eats when you feed her, sleeps when you lay her down, gets back up when she falls. She really does seem happy though... we had her giggling in bed with us tonight forever. Precious moments for sure. I'm so glad we have these quiet days together, just mommy, daddy, and Ella bonding together in Russia. ;)

Gotcha Day!!!

2011-12-20T17:56:00.000-08:00

This is Ella's main caregiver. It was definitely a tearful goodbye. She was trying to be strong, but she couldn't help but start to cry, which made me start to cry, which made Adam start to cry. Then she handed Ella to me and quickly walked out the door. I am so thankful for her, yet my heart absolutely ached for her.

All dolled up with daddy!

Mommy's lil' princess!

So many frills, ruffles, and bows!

We brought this balloon on our first visit, and it's been in this room ever since. :)

We gotcha sweet girl... and we love you!

After that, we picked up her passport and headed back to Moscow. It was a long five hours, mostly because the traffic in Moscow is horrendous... any time of day. Ella was such a trooper though. She never once complained the entire ride. Finally the stop and go of the traffic was too much for her little body (who had only ever been in a car to get her passport picture our first trip) and she threw up all over her pretty dress. Poor sweet girl. Thankfully, we were almost to the hotel. She was more than happy to get out of the car and loved her first bath even more. It was so much fun to see her splash in the tub and run around our hotel room full of smiles. Now she has been sleeping peacefully in her crib without a single peep all night. Such a trooper, our little girl... :)

Twas the night before...

2011-12-19T18:43:00.000-08:00

GOTCHA DAY!!!

Honestly, this trip has hit me harder than the last two. Almost as if my body is saying, "Ummm... this is the fifth time you've traveled through 12 time zones in five weeks! You're seriously going to do this to me??" I'm pretty exhausted. To the point where my friend and I had crashed together in the van and our interpreter asked, "Do you want to go to the hotel to rest or do you want to go to the orphanage?" We jolted up and immediately answered, "The orphanage!" Sleep deprivation will never keep us from seeing our babies... even if Ella and I just fell asleep together in the room. ;)

Today is Gotcha Day! Being twelve hours ahead, it is the 20th here but not yet Jacob's birthday (for him) until tonight. My sister had him call me yesterday though. It caught me a little off-guard because nobody has called us yet in Russia (mostly because it is $5.99 a minute. ;) You know what though? That all melted out the door when I heard his little voice. Just like always, he excitedly wanted to know if it was morning in Russia and if we were going to see baby Ella. I talked to him for a few minutes while Adam gave me the 'this is $5.99 a minute' nudge. "But I just have to tell you one more thing mommy! I'm building forts with Travis!" It was sooooo amazing to hear his voice. Priceless. :) It filled my heart with joy for the entire day and I couldn't stop talking about how much it meant to me. I am so thankful for my sister and brother-in-law. Knowing that my little guy is in such amazing, FUN hands on his birthday means the world to me. Hearing his happy little voice when I felt so exhausted was everything.

Our other sweet boys are taking turns with my mom, Adam's parents, and Adam's brother/sister-in-law. They have ALL gone out of their way to be there for us. We truly thought with three trips to Russia we were going to need a nanny or extra help somehow and I was pretty concerned about it. Our family has come through when we needed them the most though. We can't ever thank them enough. Knowing that our boys are safe and happy is of the utmost importance and the ONLY thing that allows us to focus on Ella and getting our sweet girl home. We have the best family in the world.
I love how it works out that both sides of our family will get to meet Ella first when we come home for Christmas. Although I appreciate the offers, we don't really want a huge airport thing. We just want to go home to Christmas with our family, with everyone who has worked so hard to help us get her home.

Today a year's worth of paperwork, apostilles, re-doing paperwork, re-doing apostilles, blood work, doctor appointments, waiting, hoping, praying... have all paid off. We are carrying our little girl, our answered prayer, into our arms and lives forever. Gotcha Day.

Safe and sound

2011-12-18T15:56:00.000-08:00

We are back in Russia... this time to bring our little girl home! We have been waiting just over a year for this special day and we are so excited!! It is completely surreal that I don't have to hand Ella back to her caregiver with a sinking heart and tears in my eyes this time. We actually get to walk out the door with her in our arms!!

There's only one thing that pulls on my heart strings. Ella has a special relationship with one of the caregivers... you can just tell. She reaches up to her, nuzzles into her chest, and almost walked right back out the door to follow her on our last trip. This caregiver also just beams and glows for Ella. When she enters the room, Ella happily goes right to her. This has been one of the most comforting things for me on the first two trips. Because it makes me feel, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she is well-taken care of and loved (to the best of their ability) here. They won't share any information as far as how many orphans are in this baby home, or let us see any part of the orphanage (other than the room we are in). I'm beginning to think it's a good thing though. If Ella is left in her crib for the majority of the day... I would truly rather not know about it. Just let me take this sweet relationship she has with her caregiver and envision that she is being loved on all day. It may or may not be the case, but I'd just rather have that be the vision etched in my mind. ;)

I was trying to figure out how to thank her, how to thank all of the caregivers. How do you thank someone for loving on your daughter for the first year of her life? It's absolutely priceless, I tell you. I feel beyond grateful, beyond appreciative, beyond words. They don't speak any English though and I hardly know any Russian. Well, I was talking to someone at our adoption agency who prepares us for our trips to Russia and she said she would be honored to translate my letter for me.

"We would like to thank you for taking such amazing care of our daughter during the first year of her life. We can see the love she has for you and how happy she is. We also just want you to know how much we love her already. She is such a sweet, curious, and beautiful little girl. Her three brothers are very excited to meet her and we know they will adore her as well. We can never thank you enough for the time, commitment, and love you have shown our little girl. Also, thank you for being so friendly and making us feel welcome. We will always remember our time in Russia and what an amazing experience it was. We hope to bring her back here one day to experience her great heritage and country."

Мы хотим выразить Вам нашу благодарность за заботу о нашей дочери, которую Вы дали ей в начальные годы её жизни. Мы видим, как она с любовью откликается на ваше к ней внимание и какая она весёлая деточка. Заверяем Вас в том, что мы уже полюбили её всем сердцем. Она такая прекрасная, любознательная и очень красивенькая малышка. Дома её с нетерпением ждут три братика, которые готовы обожать свою сестрёнку. Мы бесконечно благодарны Вам за вашу заботу и любовь, с которой Вы относились к нашей малышке. Также хотим поблагодарить Вас за Вашу гостеприимность и дружеское отношение. Мы всегда будем с восхищением вспоминать о времени, проведённом в России. Мы надеемся, что когда она подрастёт мы сможем приехать обратно, чтобы она смогла прикоснуться к своим корням и побывать в великой стране своего рождения.

I also decided that I would give her the photobook I made (initially for the judge) of us with Ella, so she can always remember her and take comfort that she is being loved beyond measure. It has to be hard. They spend their days taking care of these little orphans, giving them as much love and care as they possibly can. (Obviously this may not be the case in every orphanage, but I have confidence it is in this one. I can see it in Ella's little face.) Then one day, she leaves the orphanage with her family and you never get to see this little girl again. You will never run into her at the grocery store or hear about her through the grapevine. You will never see the beautiful girl she grows up to be. I was telling my friend who is adopting with us my struggle with this, and her story made me feel so much better. She said that when she was adopting her son in Russia a few years back, she too, felt like he had a special bond with his caregiver. When Gotcha Day came though, this woman patted her heart and reached up to the sky. She told me that she was absolutely beaming that this little boy she had grown to love... finally had a family.

There is something else. I have been open to sharing my story so publicly and vulnerably for two reasons. One is so I have a journal where I've written everything about our journey to share with Ella someday. There is another reason though, that's even more important. I'm sharing our story with hopes and prayers that it might impact someone who is reading it. That someone might say a prayer in order to see if God is laying adoption on their heart as well. That someone who already has a heart or desire to adopt will make steps toward starting their journey. That there might be another orphan in this world who finds a family to love and care for them. Well... it happened today!! Someone I know sent me a message a few weeks back, asking me about my experience and if I would recommend our adoption agency. I said YES, shared some information, and I just got a message saying that they decided to start the process in Russia with our same adoption agency! My heart is bursting. I am so overjoyed for them... and for the little boy or girl that God will place in their hearts and lives. It's an indescribable feeling and I can't wait to hold them up in prayer as they begin their adoption journey!

So if you ever have any questions, I'd be soooooo happy to answer them. If you are considering adoption, I would love to pray for you. If you are my family or friend, I can't wait for you to hold Ella. She is the most amazing little girl I've ever met in my life and we are beyond blessed to call her our daughter!

It was confirmed today that Tuesday, December 20th (Jacob's birthday!!!!) will be Ella's Gotcha Day. In a few short hours, we get to see her again though!

Our final trip!

2011-12-14T23:13:00.000-08:00

We are gearing up for our third and final trip to Russia. It's been the adventure of a lifetime. Although traveling to Russia three times in a matter of six weeks has been exhausting, I know I will always look back with the fondest of memories. Russia will forever hold a piece of my heart.

This song will always make me think back to Christmas last year. Partially because it came on the radio when we were first thinking and praying about adoption. Partially because I remember trying to choose the right moment to tell our parents that we were starting the adoption process. It was Christmas Eve and we were at Adam's parents house. We were going back and forth, trying to decide when we were going to tell them, how we were going to tell them, etc. We were heading downstairs from tucking the boys into bed and this song came on the radio downstairs. Adam and I took one look at each other and we knew. It was the right time. It was that late, quiet Christmas Eve when we told his parents, his brother, and our sister in-law. They were overjoyed at the news... there were tears... his parents shared their story about how close they were to adopting a little girl... it was truly a memorable night. Fast forward one year and we are bringing our little girl home. We will open the door to the same house on the same night when we first told them our good news. Never in my wildest imagination would I have thought that when we were sitting on their couch on Christmas Eve of last year... that we would be bringing our baby girl home the following Christmas Eve. God's timing is amazing.

One more cool story. Remember when Jacob told us that he had a dream he had a baby sister... before we even told him we were in the process of adopting? Well, the other day we were eating dinner and he casually said, "Mommy, in my dream baby sister was wrapped up like a Christmas present." I was thinking, well that makes sense because she is coming home on Christmas Eve. So I asked him, "You just had that dream last night?" He immediately shook his head no and said, "The first dream I had about baby sister. The one God gave me. She was wrapped up like a Christmas present." I think my heart stopped. Hold on. So you had a dream that baby sister was wrapped up like a Christmas present before we even knew her name? Before we ever saw her picture? Before we even knew for sure we were going to adopt? We didn't know, Jacob didn't know, but God did. God knew before we signed the paperwork.... God knew the night we prayed for a little girl... God knew before we gave birth to our first little boy... God knew on our wedding day when our pastor told us he thought we were going to do something amazing together... that we would be bringing home our baby girl on Christmas Eve. Amazing.

We are leaving for Russia on Saturday and are pretty sure that Ella's "Gotcha Day" will be the same day as Jacob's birthday! (It's also kind of fun that our Christmas paper chains have been a countdown to Ella's homecoming :)

Jacob's birthday

2011-12-14T14:22:00.000-08:00

We celebrated our sweet Jacob's 8th birthday over the weekend! We are going to be in Russia over his real birthday, so we tried to make this day as special as we could. I made him swedish pancakes for breakfast and did all of the things I would usually do on his birthday. As heartbroken as I am to miss the special day when Jacob turns 8, my sister has graciously offered to watch him and make it amazing. He is super excited to spend his birthday with his cousin!

I can't believe he is turning 8!!

I cannot get over this cake. A friend from MOPS made it for Jacob and I actually teared up when I saw it. (Again, just a little sensitive about missing his big day ;) It was perfect in every way and Jacob was beyond excited!

We got Jacob some Angry Birds plush toys. :)

His collection!

Daddy thought it would be funny to add some eggs to the picture.

The birthday party was simple, which I was definitely a fan of with how crazy busy our life is right now!

We picked up his friends and drove to a Teppanyaki restaurant called Samurais.

We happened to only have Russian rubles in our pockets, so they each threw a coin into the waterfall.

Thankfully, they make kid-friendly chopsticks here. (I probably could use those too!)

The boys were LOVING all of the fire and tricks as our chef performed.

The fire onion ring volcano. :)

I was glad I thought to take a picture of their reactions too!

Our chef was amazing... so good with all of the kids!

Making a beat on the birthday drum!

Then we came back to our house for a chocolate coin hunt, a race (Jacob really wanted an outdoor race for some reason?), and of course, Wii!

Jacob with his best buddies from school.

Lighting the candles!

Adam kept making jokes about cutting into Mario and the kids were cracking up.

Four player Mario cart!

Jacob, it was so much fun to see your eyes light up in happiness today. We love you sooooo much and are so proud of the amazing boy that you are. We're really sad we have to miss your birthday... but that is the same day we will be picking up your baby sister! Which makes December 20th even more special! We hope you have an amazing day with Aunt Heidi, Uncle David, Maddie, and Travis. You will be in our hearts and thoughts the entire time. We can't wait to see you on Christmas Eve with baby Ella!

The Holmes Family Christmas Tree

2011-12-12T11:21:00.000-08:00

I think I've mentioned before how much I love picking out a Christmas tree with three little boys?

I seriously love it. I don't like cleaning up all the needles... I don't like watering the tree... but our trip to the Christmas tree farm each year makes it all worth it. The boys were really into giving their opinion on which ones they thought were absolutely perfect.

Hmmm... a little too big.

A little too small...

Definitely too small... (unless you're Charlie Brown. ;)

So. Much. Fun.

Daddy did all of the hard work while the boys ran amongst the trees...

...doing all the fun things that little boys love to do. :)

Timber!

We are definitely not getting a Christmas card out this year.

Will this work??

Merry Christmas! :)

Christmas Traditions

2011-12-11T21:18:00.000-08:00

We are trying to squeeze in as many Christmas traditions as we can in-between our trips to Russia!

The day after Thanksgiving, we baked Christmas cookies with my mom.

My boys sure love to help with the Christmas cookie cutters!

Mmmmmm...

Casey was beyond excited that we let him frost the cookies by himself.

Later that week, we were onto Gingerbread houses!

The little Costco set works out perfectly because Jacob likes decorating the house, Gavin likes decorating the tree, and Casey likes decorating the gingerbread men!

Mommy decided to have a little fun with the extra frosting. ;)

Ella Rachel

2011-12-09T15:30:00.000-08:00

I can finally post some pictures of Ella on my blog! Ella means "torch" or "bright light" and Rachel means "one with purity". We considered using her Russian name as her middle name, however, each of our boys have a biblical name for either their first or middle name. We thought it was more important to carry on the tradition of giving our children a biblical name, so she feels included with her brothers.

We love you Ella Rachel! Ten days until you are in our arms forever sweet girl! Fifteen days until we bring you home!

Court

2011-12-07T19:16:00.000-08:00

Court was... everything I thought it would be. Intimidating. Nerve-wracking. Overwhelming. Scary. The Russian judge was barely older than we were, but he was all business. You couldn't get a feel for what he was thinking at all. There were only five people in the room besides us... the judge, two caretakers from the orphanage, the prosecutor, and the secretary. We all stood when he entered the room. I tried to catch his eye and give him a friendly smile, but there was no reciprocation. The judge looked over our papers while rubbing his forehead and finally looked up to explain our rights. I thought there would be some pausing as our representative translated, but she just translated right over the judge as he spoke. Since she is soft-spoken and difficult to hear as it is, it was almost impossible to understand what was going on.

Then there were the questions. OH, the questions. Let's just say he didn't understand AT ALL why we would want to adopt when we already have three biological kids. Wasn't our family already big enough? Why didn't we just have a fourth biologically? Was this some kind of humanitarian effort? Wow. I didn't know what answer he was looking for, but we just wanted to give this baby girl a mommy... a daddy... big brothers... a home... stability... compassion... love. Why was that so hard to understand? Thankfully, after about 45 minutes of questioning, the caregivers stood up to give their recommendation. They told the judge how happy our little girl was when we played with her, that they could see the love we already have for her, and that she would be far better off going to the United States with a family than staying in a Russian orphanage. The prosecutor, after hearing what we had to say, also stood and recommended for this adoption to be approved. Then everyone left the room except the judge.

We were invited back in about five minutes later. I thought when the judge gave us his verdict it would be crystal clear. It wasn't. We just had such a hard time understanding our interpreter while the judge spoke simultaneously. However, when he was done speaking, our interpreter said, "Congratulations!" And we knew. We knew this little girl we had fallen in love with was ours forever.

We waited outside the room in complete relief and indescribable joy as our friends went into the courtroom. This same judge had approved another adoption for them about eighteen months ago, so we felt confident that they would find favor with him again. They did! What happened next is a moment that I will remember for the rest of my life. I don't know why it meant so much to me but it did. This judge, who seemed so cold and emotionless in the courtroom, came outside and shook our hands. A simple, firm handshake of congratulations. For a moment, I thought of the whole situation from his perspective. The life of this little girl was in his hands. He had to put his trust in us, when there have been some families in the United States who have broken that trust. One little boy who was abused and killed in his home. One little boy who was shipped back to Russia in an airplane. I felt like when he shook my hand, he was saying that he trusted us to love and care for this little girl for the rest of her life. I was so grateful to him. His decision changed the life of our little girl forever.

Then we went back to the orphanage to see our daughter! It was the first time I could call her that! The interesting thing is it didn't change how we felt about her because we were already head over heels in love. We fell in love the first time we laid eyes on her little referral picture. The only thing it did change was our fears about losing her. We knew that up until the court date, she could be taken away at any time. Another Russian family could adopt her. Russia could get so frustrated with United States that they could close adoptions with us altogether. So many things could have happened and we were trying to guard our hearts just in case. After court, we could finally let our guard down. We didn't have to worry about losing her anymore. She was officially ours!

Since we had spent so much time with her the day before, we immediately continued on where we had left off. Playing and hugging and kissing and giggling. I didn't feel the emotion of saying goodbye that I did on the first trip. Because I knew that in ten short days she would be in our arms forever. We are bringing her home on Christmas Eve... and there are no words to describe how excited we are!!!!

Day #3 at the Orphanage

2011-12-04T18:41:00.000-08:00

We drove up to the orphanage yesterday, to our surprise not at the crack of dawn! Adam and I were thankful for the opportunity to sleep in, unfortunately we woke up around 5:30 in the morning anyway. :) Breakfast at our hotel wasn't until 7:30 but it was a perfect time to call my mom and our boys. They got such a kick out of the fact that they were in their jammies ready for bed, while mommy and daddy were just waking up and eating breakfast. They were really excited to hear we were on our way to see their baby sister!

I thought it would packed with snow here in December, but it actually reminds me of Seattle... cold and wet. The sun doesn't come up until 9:00 or so and it goes back down by 3:00. I couldn't help but smile when I saw that the televisions at breakfast were playing 80's music from the United States. Guns and Roses, Blind Melon, U2, and Abba. It was like a stroll down memory lane! Actually pretty much all of the music here is American 80's music... which is strange to me because they don't seem to know much English here? I'm loving it though! ;)

Thankfully I was able to sleep most of the way to the orphanage! The rain turned to snow, as it usually does when we drive north. This time, we switched rooms with our friends. The room they have been in is more like an exercise room for babies and toddlers. It has an entire wall with full-length mirrors, a ball pit (not the same one from her referral pictures though), a tiny treadmill and eliptical (when I say tiny, I mean like for a one year-old tiny), and long beams that are barely above the ground to walk across. It was such a fun room, we just had to make sure our little girl didn't trip over anything since she was just learning to walk!

The babies were taking their afternoon naps so our interpreter went over some questions that would be asked in court. Every so often, she would hint at a few things to say and a few things not to say. She mentioned that the judges are a little sore at Americans, given a recent court date where a child (who was adopted from Russia) was killed at his home in the United States. Especially after dealing with the woman who sent her adoptive son back to Russia in 2010, the Russian regulations are becoming more and more strict. Russian adoptions in the United States are dwindling from all time high of 5,862 in 2004 to around 1,600 last year. This is highly due to cases such as these and it makes me so nervous!

I think I underestimated how much our little girl's comfort level had to do with the fact that her caregivers stayed for several minutes last time. This time they brought her to us and immediately left. She had just woken up, and I could tell she was very unsure of us and her new surroundings. At one point, her lower lip began to quiver and I just held her for awhile. She definitely liked being held and seemed very secure and calm in my arms. She took a long time to warm up to the point where she was smiling and playing with us, but she eventually did! The puffs definitely helped. Adam was cracking me up because he would say, "If you want to come home and have us be your mommy and daddy, then eat a puff." And she would carefully pick up the puff and put it in her mouth! ;) So it's meant to be! Eventually, we remembered all of the things that made her giggle before and had her smiling and laughing in no time.

I asked our interpreter if we would get to see our little girl again tomorrow. She stated very matter-of-factly that we would if we did well in court. No pressure. We have an 11:00 appointment tomorrow (11:00 pm back home) and covet your prayers for our nerves and that the judge would find favor in us. Thank you!!

Wide Awake.

2011-12-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

My body seriously has no idea what time it is right now. We were having dinner on our flight and a few hours later they are serving breakfast... it was already eight o'clock in Germany but only midnight to us. During the layover, we weren't sure if we should be trying to sleep or eating more food. It's such a crazy adjustment!

We took the exact same flights this time around. The only difference is we happened to find tickets for not much more than we were paying in stand-by fees, so we jumped on it! I was soooooo appreciative, not only that we didn't have to worry about making the flight, but I got to sit next to my husband this time! As soon as we sat down, he immediately handed me a cup of water... ha! I jokingly responded, "You're totally going to be a water nazi, aren't you?" He smiled as he looked around at all the German flight attendants and said, "Honey, I don't think this is the right flight for that comment." Ummm... yeah. I guess not!

Whereas I felt like we were on the Amazing Race last time, figuring everything out together with adrenaline pounding through our veins... this time, we knew just what to do. We knew exactly where to go once we arrived at the Frankfurt airport, we knew what to expect when we went through customs in Moscow, we knew where to pick up our bags, we immediately recognized our driver, and we checked into our hotel with confidence. Everything felt familiar and safe instead of foreign and scary. I don't think I mentioned that on the last trip our translator held up a sign with our agency's name, led us through a dark parking lot, ushered us into his car, and asked us to give him the money we brought. Adam and I were looking at each other like, seriously?!? As my friend who is adopting with us said the very first day, "International adoption is not for the faint of heart."

Speaking of our new friends, they were already at the hotel when we arrived! There is a sports bar downstairs so we got some appetizers and talked and laughed and reminised. It was so much fun to spend the evening with them. Figuring out a different country together, getting ready for court together, meeting our babies for the first time together... it's bonding, I tell you. :) It's bonding for our marriage too. I love the whole 'we're in this together' feel. I'm sure statistically that adoption is one of life's highest stressors... up there with moving, giving birth, death. As stressful as it can be, I take comfort in the fact that we are a team. We have patience and compassion for each other because we know that jet-lag, not knowing when we are going to eat next, and hours upon hours of traveling is tough. Yet at the same time, we are experiencing the joy of meeting our daughter, doing everything we can to bring her home as soon as possible, feeling God's hand on us the entire way... it's bonding.

God really has been there for us too. Trust me, I have messed up some serious things with the paperwork, we didn't know if we were going to make flights, Adam lost his deportation card, we didn't call our bank to tell them we were in a different country so our debit card was put on hold, etc. and God carried us through it ALL. I heard this couple say in an adoption video, "God funds what he favors... and he favors adoption." It's so true. Not only did He fund ours, but he carried us in His arms through the entire process. I have never felt so protected, so safe, so confident we are doing exactly what God wants us to be doing. People sometimes say things like, "Oh, you must be so excited to finally have a girl!" But it's really not about having a girl. It's about following the call God placed on our hearts to adopt. It's about giving an orphan (in a country where half of the girls are forced into prostitution when they leave the orphanage and 10%-15% commit suicide) a loving home and family. It's about showing her God's unconditional love. It's about making a difference for one. 147 million orphans minus one. And it's about giving God the glory for all of it.

We get to see our little girl tomorrow!!!!

What I'm Thinking...

2011-11-27T23:37:00.000-08:00

The thoughts that are currently running through my head...

How thankful I was to be home for Thanksgiving! I wasn't expecting it at all and I definitely didn't take it for granted (especially since my husband had the day off!). Even if at one point during dinner, I teared up at the thought of our little girl eating mush in an orphanage instead of here with warm food, family, and so. much. love.
We found out that her actual birthday is November 6. I think they had it confused with November 10 because that was the day her birth mother signed all of the paperwork. The more I think about it, the more I am amazed at how intentionally God was working in our lives. Our daughter was born on November 6 (the night I had prayed specifically about God's will for us to adopt), Orphan Sunday was on November 7, we turned in our paperwork on November 9, which was the same day our daughter's birth mother signed the paperwork in Russia. The timing of it all will never cease to amaze me.
The last two days have been crazy. We had to re-apply for visas and then I accidentally mailed the copy of our old visa instead. I feel like I'm pregnant because I just keep doing things like this and it's killing me. Thankfully I was able to attach our new visas in an email and all is well. I was hoping the next day would be better, but Casey spilled hot chocolate on himself at church (he grabbed the cup before I could add cold water) and ended up with second degree burns on his chest. It was horrifying watching him scream for so long, but he eventually fell asleep in my arms. Of course, Adam was out of town too. It was all too much honestly and I couldn't help but cry with him as we waited for the doctor. Thankfully, he will be okay... I just have to put an antibiotic on his wound and keep it covered for two weeks. Totally scary and stressful though!
We are a few days away from heading back to Russia. I am sooooooo excited to see our sweet girl. I am sooooooo nervous for court. I've heard the Russian judges can be a little... okay a lot intimidating. I've heard that it can take hours. I've heard that I may need to have some Russian recipes memorized in order to show him that we are going to implement her culture into our lives. I've heard that the adoption can be delayed if we say something the judge doesn't like. My heart beats faster just thinking about it. Please say a prayer for us on December 5!
If everything goes well in court, we only have ten days until Gotcha Day! The day where our little girl is ours forever! Russia has a mandated ten day period after court before you can bring your child home, hence the third trip to Russia. :) Still hoping and praying we make it home and bring our family together just in time for Christmas.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-27T23:20:00.000-08:00

I feel blessed that we were able to be home for Thanksgiving between trips to Russia! I was so happy to volunteer for Gavin's kindergarten feast too. :)

Kindergarten is so cute and fun!!

We spent Thanksgiving afternoon with my dad and step-mom.

Maddie is growing up so fast and always takes such good care of Casey (or whoever is our littlest one at the time)!

Mommy, my tummy is FULL. :)

My sister and her family

The entire clan!

My dad and step-mom are always out-of-town for Christmas, so we joke that Thanksgiving becomes Thanksmas. ;) The boys are more than happy to get a few presents early!

This is Jacob's new thing. He pretends to faint on top of whatever he is super excited about.

I love this guy! So grateful he was home for Thanksgiving.

My sister and me

Later that night, we went to Adam's parents house for Thanksgiving dinner. My brother-in-law woke up at the crack of dawn to smoke this turkey is his very own smoker machine.

That's the thing about these Holmes boys... they think of these amazing ideas and create them from scratch! The turkey was seriously the best I've ever had.

So many kids around this table... and there's about to be one more!

We are home!

2011-11-18T21:58:00.000-08:00

We made it home last night and thankfully, the jet lag is affecting me WAY less than it did in Russia. There I could only sleep for four hours at any given time (hence all the blog writing ;) and the first morning I woke up, it felt like I had been hit by a train. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I stayed up almost the entire plane ride on the way there. So thankfully, I was able to sleep for several hours on the plane trip back. I was even able to sleep for eight hours straight last night... the first time in over a week! Maybe I just needed my own bed back. ;)

On the last day in Russia, we had our medical. It was interesting... to say the least. I was SO nervous for the blood draw because I'm the type of person where they have to try three times in each arm (after missing each vein and jiggling the needle in order to desperately find it somehow). I have had some horrible experiences so I just wasn't thrilled about trying it out in a foreign country. I even asked my translator to tell the woman drawing my blood that I had small veins. He said not to worry, that they were all really good here. :) To my relief, he was right! Although it was the biggest needle I've ever seen, she got my vein on the first try! Amazing. I seriously think this has only happened once before? I gleefully ran out of the lab, practically bursting in excitement.

The hospital was very clean and quiet. There are several doctors who specialize in specific things, so basically in each long hallway there are chairs lined up along the wall. Depending on the doctor you were there to see, you would wait in the chair directly outside his/her door. Although we were in line to see several different doctors, oddly enough, we got right in each time... (which may or may not have to do with the fact that we paid $1000 per medical?? ;) All in all, we saw a dermatologist, cardiologist, pulmonologist, psychiatrist, oncologist, neurologist, and a phlebotomist. Whew! Let's just say I had to take my shirt off several times and somehow follow the directions of doctors who were speaking Russian. We passed, even after the horrifying realization that I forgot Adam's blood work papers at home. My heart almost stopped because forgetting ANYTHING can be seriously detrimental. It is amazing to see how God has come through for us in every circumstance though.

That night, we went to a restaurant with our friends and walked around some stores in a different part of town. Our friends really wanted to take us to one of their favorite places, even if our interpreter was really worried about our ability to get back to the hotel. With a GPS on our cell phone, we can find our way around anywhere right? It's a lot more fun to find your way around Russia, buy souvenirs, and figure out how to order food with friends, that's for sure! And yes, in the restaurant and in the stores, they tried to bring us Russian vodka. I think they must have found that free Russian vodka = more sales in the long run. Ha!

So here I am at home, trying to figure out how in the world I'm going to get Christmas presents, decorations, traditions, Jacob's birthday party, visa applications, preparations for our court date, ... all planned or completed before we leave again on December 1. This is definitely going to be a whirlwind of a month and the only way I can get through it is one day at a time. We are so anxious to be back in Russia with our little girl, but it's definitely hard leaving our boys... especially during my favorite holiday season! To quote another mom who adopted from Russia, it will be a beautiful day when we don't have to leave one child in order to see the others.

Day #2 with our little girl

2011-11-15T14:55:00.000-08:00

We started off the day with another priceless visit with our sweet girl! I could immediately feel such a different rush of emotions than yesterday. Yesterday, I was honestly a perfect mixture of excited, scared, and nervous. I had so many questions of what she would look like, what she would act like, and how she would react to us. Yesterday, my heart was beating out of my chest in anticipation... today, my heart was beating out of my chest in pure excitement. I just could not wait for the door to open so I could scoop our little girl into my arms again!!

We got there at 10:00 and we waited... and waited... and waited. Finally our interpreter came in and had us sign some papers. Then we waited some more until finally I left the room (and I have this feeling we are NOT supposed to leave the room) to ask where she was. I knew she would be taken away for lunch at noon and it was nearly noon. They told me she hadn't gotten up from her nap yet and you can probably catch the drift from my last post that they do not break routine. Ever. So finally, around 12:15, after she had woken up and eaten lunch, they brought her to us!!! I immediately couldn't help but smile as she was bundled up so much that she couldn't. even. move. We counted five layers later that afternoon! An undershirt, another undershirt shirt, a regular shirt, a sweater, leggings, socks, boots, a thick snowsuit, and a warm hat. Then they looked at us like we were crazy for just standing there and said, "Get her outside! She's going to get hot!" Wow. Okay! We got her outside and found out from our friends that we were taking them to get passport pictures.

This next part you are going to find absolutely crazy if you have little kids. Actually, even if you don't have little kids. Maybe you should just skip this paragraph. First of all, I had no idea we would leave the orphanage at all on this trip. We walked to the car and I immediately was asking the other couple about car seats. Nope. Apparently, they don't do that in Russia. Seriously?? Seriously. We were expected to hold our sweet baby girl on our lap and hope for the best. Coming from the United States, where car seat regimens are so strict, where you have to install the car seat perfectly, turn the car seat around at the exact right age or weight, practically use them until your children are teenagers... I didn't know what to think. I knew we had to do it though, otherwise our little girl wouldn't have a passport. So we drove for about ten minutes to get her picture taken and made it safely back to the orphanage. Phew!

Back at the orphanage, we were told that we could change her clothes. I didn't know we were able to bring an outfit for them, so I gave all the outfits I had to the orphanage. Thankfully, our friends had an extra outfit (I can't even tell you how many times they have saved us!) so we changed her clothes. We were happy to, especially since she was wearing the same clothes that she had on yesterday. My first time dressing our little girl was so. much. fun. I wanted to take so many pictures, but I wanted to spend every ounce of time with her that I could!

Yesterday, they came around 2:45 to get her for a nap so I was preparing myself for that. I knew it was going to be hard. I felt my heart break into a million pieces when they came to get her at 2:00. Why were they early today? Why couldn't they just give us a few more minutes? Or a few more hours? I carefully placed her into the caregivers arms and she waved our little girl's hand to say goodbye. "Paka, paka" they would always say, which in Russian means bye-bye. I wasn't sure how I was going to react, but I immediately sunk into Adam's chest and cried. As I looked up, I saw his eyes were filled with tears too. When I met all three of my baby boys for the first time in the hospital, nobody ever took them away for more than a few seconds. To this day, I have never felt the raw emotion of somebody taking my baby away. It was painful. I felt helpless. I wanted her back. I wanted to bring her home right then and there. I took some deep breaths, got myself together, wiped away the mess of mascara around my eyes, and tried to focus on being thankful. Thankful that this region only makes you wait a few weeks in between trips. Thankful that she was everything I had hoped she would be and more. Thankful that she recognized us today and immediately walked into our arms. Thankful that my heart is bursting with love for her. Thankful for every second I got to hold her, kiss her chubby cheeks, watch her breathe as she fell asleep on my chest. Okay, now I'm making myself cry...

Now for the good news. They are doing everything possible to get our sweet baby home by Christmas!! Whew. Today we have our extensive four hour medical exam, which I'm sure will be interesting? Our friends said it wasn't scary, that it was the best physical exam they've ever gotten. Hmmmm. We'll see. If they can draw my blood on the first try, I'll officially be impressed. After that, we are flying home! So happy I have three amazing boys to come home to!

Meetcha Day!!

2011-11-14T11:28:00.000-08:00

God is so good! We met our little girl today! She is absolutely amazing! We honestly don't think it could have gone any better... we are truly blessed!

We met the couple we were driving with in the downstairs lobby and they immediately told us to grab some of the fruit that was on display, because in their experience, we wouldn't be eating for a long, long time. Thankfully, we had gallons of water already, so we grabbed some fruit and were on our way. We talked for almost the entire four hour drive. Another thing they didn't tell us was to be sure to use the bathroom before we left because our driver was on a strict time schedule. About halfway there, Adam and I thought we were going to burst and couldn't hold it any more. Our new friends politely asked him if we could stop to use the restroom and thankfully, he said he would in ten minutes. Phew! Everywhere we stopped, he would tell us how many minutes we had. The bathroom? 14 minutes. Our hotel? 10 minutes. The adoption center? Well, he told us he would be back in 2 minutes but it ended up being about 30. This is where he picked up our interpreter and told us the next stop was the orphanage!

My heart was absolutely pounding. We waited for six months, flew halfway around the world, drove for four hours... all. for. this. moment. It was truly unbelievable. The orphanage looked really clean and they immediately gave us plastic footies to wear over our shoes. Then our interpreter led us into a room and told us to have all of our questions prepared for the social worker. Adam and I looked at each other, held hands, and prayed. It was all we could do to pass the time until they brought our little girl into our arms. Then the door creaked open and in she walked, (yes walked!!), holding the two fingers of one of the orphanage caregivers. They immediately introduced us as momma and papa and we could tell they were assuring her we were safe and friendly. She clutched onto the orphanage caregiver for a few moments, who steered her toward me with her fingers... and she walked right to me! I immediately was gushing over her and kissing her chubby little cheeks with tears in my eyes.

Adam wanted me to make the first connection because children in orphanages typically never interact with males. This might be the first time she ever saw one. He happily took pictures of this moment in time, but it was only a few seconds before I used my fingers to lead her over to him. And she seriously almost never left his side. It was the most adorable thing I've ever seen. Almost as if she knew she needed a daddy... and he didn't skip a beat. Adam was absolutely amazing with her, just as I knew he would be. They played with a ball, explored some toys, blew bubbles, and played all the familiar little daddy games that he played with each of our boys. I think she's going to be daddy's little girl for sure.

We went over some paperwork and the orphanage workers played with her in the background. You could tell that they loved her, truly loved her. They ooohed and aaahed and laughed and played together. I have no doubt that she is extremely well-loved here, which is so comforting. They told us lunch was at noon and let us have some time alone with her. Funny enough, right at noon, she looked worried and showed us a few hungry tears. Thankfully, we bought puffs with us and she gnawed on one with an expressive little look... and proceeded to eat the entire bag! A few minutes later, they picked her up promptly for lunch.

When she was back from lunch, they told us we would get to play with her until 3:30! We had no idea we would get to see her that long! So we played and took pictures and played and took more pictures. She seems right on target with milestones for this age, which being in an orphanage, we were not expecting at all. We think she either learned to walk for the first time a few days ago, (or maybe it was with us today??) but Adam and I sat a few feet away from each other and she would go back and forth, taking a few steps and falling into our arms. We also saw her crawling, which I was really happy to see. She had an amazing pincher grasp with both hands as she happily ate her puffs. She would mimic things Adam was doing and looked right into our eyes. She babbled away in delight as we played. We also could see about four teeth cutting, so her happy demeanor was incredible. :)

I was surprised they didn't whisk her away for a nap, and low and behold, around two o'clock she started rubbing her eyes. I always hear how children in an orphanage do not like to be held and it is best to lay them down to fall asleep on their own. My mommy instinct kicked in though and I gently rocked her back and forth... and she was asleep in my arms in less than a minute. I couldn't believe it! So Adam and I watched her sleep on my chest until they finally did whisk her away for a nap. The orphanage worker seemed very happy to see her sleeping in my arms and kept saying something over and over in Russian to me. And as she left, Adam noticed she had left an imprint of this perfect little hand print on my chest. Right over my heart... and inside my heart!

I'm so sorry to say that our adoption agency doesn't want us posting pictures publicly over my blog until she is officially ours. I would love to share them with you through an email or on facebook if you would like to see them.

And yes... after twelve hours, we did get to eat. In case you were worried. ;)

There was a verse that came to my mind over and over the entire day.

John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you.

One moment that will forever be engrained in my mind was when we drove up to the orphanage and saw about twenty toddlers, all bundled up and walking hand in hand with their caregivers out to the playground. It broke my heart. I wanted to bring them all home. My prayer is that they will have a happy ending too and a mommy and daddy will come for them soon...

The Russian Culture

2011-11-13T14:47:00.000-08:00

Adam and I are getting much better at working our way around the city. Wait a minute, that sounded like Pretty Woman. In one day, I feel like we've come a long way though. Instead of being intimidated with the fact that everyone speaks Russian except us, we are trying to embrace it.

We went to McDonalds the next morning (see, I was serious about the McDonalds thing ;) and tried to figure out how to order lunch. There would obviously be no ordering "a McChicken without mayo" and I was seriously contemplating a Happy Meal because it seemed like the easiest thing. So Adam asked for an English map and we pointed to french fries, a Chicken wrap, and a hamburger. Did I mention this McDonalds was the fanciest I've ever seen?? When we walked in it looked the same, but around the corner, there was a separate McCafe with coffee and tons of desserts. You could also walk upstairs to find additional seating and it was packed.

Then across the street, we found Starbucks!! I think the entire store lit up like the Christmas tree on Christmas Vacation! I was in heaven when I saw the little red Christmas cups and happily ordered a Gingerbread Latte. Actually, I thought I pointed to the Eggnog Latte, but I got Gingerbread. Who cares?! We found Starbucks! As we sat down with our giant mug, I remembered reading a blog where someone was convinced they got sick due to the water in the coffee. I was a little nervous about this, but we rationalized that hot water would burn off anything that would make us sick. Right? Right?? You're not going to make me give up Starbucks, are you?? Okay, I might be addicted. ;)

Later that night, we even got more brave. Adam went into a flower shop and bought me a gerber daisy (my favorite). It was a little funny because she didn't have a cash register, so we couldn't read how much to pay her. She just kept repeating herself and Adam kept giving her different coins, trying to guess how much it was. Finally, he got out his cell phone and she typed the number into his calculator. My husband is so smart! We also found a little dinette and paid $8 instead of $80 for dinner... yay us!

Here are some things we've discovered about the culture. The woman are super trendy. Seriously. I felt completely under-dressed and was wishing I brought my Uggs because then I would somewhat blend in. The typical outfit was coordinated with jeans or leggings and boots with tall heels. I remember reading somewhere that these girls love heels and they totally do. Also, I think we are by Moscow State University because there are mostly teenagers and people in their early twenties. We have rarely seen little children and when we do, they are bundled up like the boy in A Christmas Story. All the children we have seen are EXTREMELY well-behaved. We have yet to see one little child throw a fit or do anything for that matter other than hold their mommy or daddy's hand and quietly walk beside them. Actually everyone is extremely quiet. Even in McDonalds, with the entire upstairs filled with people, you can hardly hear anything above a murmur and occasional laughter. I typically talk louder, mostly in excitement as I'm telling a story or something... so Adam keeps telling me to tone it down a little. ;)

We got to talk to the boys tonight and it absolutely filled my heart with joy! (Even if Casey walked away from the phone to continue playing with his toys... ;) Hearing their sweet voices was the best sound in the world, even if it made me a little homesick. The coins here look just like the golden coins on Super Mario Brothers, so Jacob and Gavin were beyond excited to hear that we are bringing some home. I am so thankful they sound healthy and happy. A huge thank you to all my friends who are checking in on them!

This morning we are leaving to go to the orphanage! There is another family from Ohio who is adopting a little girl from our orphanage as well, so we get to ride in the same car. I'm really excited to meet them... and relieved to talk to someone else who speaks English! They adopted a little boy from this same orphanage last year so they will be a wealth of information and tremendous help. I can't sleep. Again. (Which is totally weird because I'm a sleep at the drop of a hat type person.) This blog and I have become best friends in the middle of the night. Another mom who adopted from Russia told me that her number one advice was to write down everything. Because soon enough, it will turn into this surreal dream filled with blurred events that you can't remember...

Halfway around the world

2011-11-12T18:16:00.000-08:00

We made it! It's almost five o'clock in the morning, since Moscow is exactly twelve hours ahead of where we live. So we are adjusting to the exact opposite schedule here... you can't mess up your body any more than that, right? ;) It's so weird to think that our boys are probably eating dinner and here we are in the pitch black room of our hotel, with only the city lights glowing outside the window. From what Adam and I could see on the drive from the airport, Moscow looks beautiful. It is much more than either of us expected.

I was a little nervous about the length of the flight to get here, but you know what? For the most part I really enjoyed it! Especially being a stay-at-home mom with three little boys... I was really soaking in the whole "peace and quiet time to myself" thing. Traveling stand-by went way more smoothly than I could ever have imagined, even if it was a close call to get on the flight to Frankfurt! God has been answering our prayers and taking care of us the entire time. The airline we traveled on was Lufthansa, and they were amazing! Apparently, I've never been on an international flight because I felt completely spoiled! There were screens ahead of each person filled with the latest movies, a giant screen up front showing us exactly where we were on a map, warm dinner, even hot towels once we were finished! So here I was with my glass of wine, catching up on Parenthood and Grey's Anatomy, with the flight attendants walking up and down the aisle to bring you coffee, tea, or wine at any given notice. Really?! I think I'm in heaven!

I noticed that everyone was starting to sleep around 8 o'clock, but I wasn't the least bit interested in joining them until a few hours later. What I wasn't expecting was for sunlight to fill the aircraft around midnight, since we were almost in Germany and it was already morning there. Everyone was suddenly awake. I wasn't drinking much water because (those of you who know me won't be surprised ;) I didn't want to wake up the people on either side of me to go to the bathroom. So I ended up getting super dehydrated and turned sheet white at one point. The flight attendants were really worried and had a doctor take my pulse and blood pressure, but once I got some water and sugar in my system, I was fine. :) It turns out you're supposed to drink a lot of water on international flights... who knew? ;)

We had a layover in Germany and I was pleasantly surprised to see that everyone spoke English at the airport. Even people who were speaking German in line ahead of us would order in English. This made it super easy to find out where our connecting flight was, get some lunch, and try a real German cappuccino (which was amazing!) From there, we had a connecting flight to Moscow and a representative from our adoption agency was waiting with a sign at baggage claim.

We are extremely fortunate that our hotel is next door to the biggest mall I have ever seen, so last night we were able to get some groceries, bottled water (I read that people can get very sick by drinking the water here), and dinner. It was at a restaurant in the mall that we encountered a struggle with the language barrier for the first time. The waiters didn't speak much English, so thankfully, they had an English menu and we were able to point out what we would like to eat. Adam even used an iphone application to ask where the bathroom was (ahhh, technology)! We made it through dinner, and all the stories we had heard about how expensive Moscow is were confirmed. $80 for dinner, ouch... I think we'll go to McDonalds tomorrow??

Being a pilot, Adam is accustomed to traveling all over the world and adjusting to time changes. Since the greatest time change I have ever endured is a three hour difference in Hawaii, he thought I was going to be a mess. It was like he kept waiting and expecting me to melt down at some point! So I think he was completely surprised at that at every stop we've made, I am giddily taking in all the new places, people, and customs. I am half-way across the world, in a country that has only been a pinpoint on a map in our boys' room, in the country our daughter was born, a country that we hope to bring her back to someday. I am taking in every ounce of the scenery and the culture, so one day I will be able to tell her all about it. When you consider all of that, sleep is overrated right? Or maybe ask me again tomorrow. ;)

Anyway, so here we are! It is soooooo surreal that our sweet baby girl is a mere four hours away from us!!! We have a day to explore and catch up on sleep (which I'm sure I will need since I went to bed at midnight and am typing away at five in the morning)! Then on Monday morning, we will drive up to the orphanage to meet the little girl whose picture we have been staring at for six months! I can't wait to see her and find out if her hair is really strawberry blonde, if she has teeth, what her latest milestones have been, what her temperament is, let her play with the toys we brought, and just love on her... we. can't. wait.

Travel dates!!!

2011-11-02T22:50:00.001-07:00

We got our first travel dates to Russia! The time between getting our referral and our first travel dates took a lot longer than our adoption agency expected. I guess there was a misunderstanding with some new directions that were given and the adoption center didn't want to give us dates until it was resolved. Now it should go really fast though, with merely weeks and even days between trips! Whew!

I am completely in awe of God's perfect timing. Adam had the last few days in October off, so we decided to take our boys to San Diego. Our adoption agency actually called us while we were in Legoland! I was screaming and jumping up and down... people must have just thought I was really excited to be there. :) Also, as of November 1, my hubby is based in Seattle again! It is so amazing to have him home and it definitely makes it a lot easier to get ready for our trip! My mom usually goes to Arizona with my grandma until Thanksgiving, but she decided to come home a few weeks earlier this year. It ends up her flight back is just a few days before we have to leave, which is a huge blessing for us and our boys! Another blessing is we will be back in time for Thanksgiving, and we will be able to speak on November 6th at our church for Orphan Sunday. God is good!

Wow, there is a lot to do though! Between applying for our visas (Adam had to write down every country he has visited for the past ten years, which was a looooong list being a pilot!) finding the best stand-by flights (and there are so many different options), getting everything ready for our boys while we are away, packing... whew! We are sooooo excited to finally meet our little girl though. Beyond words excited. I can't wait to share our story and introduce her to all of you!

Trick-or-Treat

2011-11-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

Each of the boys got to trick-or-treat twice this year, so they were super happy! Jacob and I went to Great Wolf Lodge to celebrate my nephew's birthday. It was so much fun to have some one-on-one time on the waterslides with Jacob... and one-on-one time with my sister while all the cousins were dancing later that night!

This spider sets a world record for the number of balloons (3000) it took to create it.

Jacob wanted to be the toy soldier from Toy Story.

Cousins!

Travis opening Jacob's present

Dancin' the night away. :)

My sister and my niece, who is growing up so fast!

Gavin and Casey got to trick-or-treat at the YMCA.

Gavin really wanted to be Buzz Lightyear this year... I actually can't believe he's never been Buzz before, considering it always seems to be the theme of his birthday parties!

Casey was all set up to be Woody... but he just REALLY wanted to be Buzz too. Since my friend already had a Buzz costume that fit and Gavin didn't seem to mind, I let him go for it. :)

They came out with pumpkins FULL of treats!

We ended up flying home from San Diego on Halloween morning... because the flights looked the best and we are crazy like that. ;) Thankfully, we made it back just in time to trick-or-treat with our favorite friends.

Casey could almost keep up with his brothers this year!

Pointing out everything to his daddy.

My two Buzzies.

People in our church set up hot chocolate stands all over Puyallup... and we found one of them! Gavin remembered the hot chocolate from last year and was so excited. :)

Pretending to faint of happiness into his bucket of candy. ;)

Later that night, the boys got to hand out candy to their own trick-or-treaters!

Painting and carving pumpkins

2011-10-25T17:54:00.000-07:00

Kailey has been Jacob's bestest girl since they were one. She is so sweet to him and I love watching them laugh and play together.

Kailey's little sister, Lexi, goes back and forth trying to decide if she wants to marry Gavin or Casey when she grows up. Currently she is going with Gavin.

They came over to paint pumpkins and make cupcakes with us.

We have watercolors, but I don't think Casey has ever used tempura paint before. He was absolutely in heaven piling all of the colors on top of his pumpkin!

Mmmmmmmm!

Then last night we carved pumpkins!!

We also melted caramel for apples... they were especially motivated to help mommy. :)

Jacob was trying so hard to do everything on his own this year. I was impressed with his patience as he scooped out every. single. seed.

Daddy helped Casey make a jack-o-lantern.

Gavin's pumpkin was rotten on the inside. (SO gross!) So he and I carved my pumpkin together.

Here they are! Daddy's pumpkin, Mommy and Gavin's pumpkin (he picked out the design though :), Jacob's pumpkin, and little Casey's pumpkin.

Pumpkin Patch - Take Two

2011-10-19T12:52:00.000-07:00

I had to take a picture of the rain boots... because these are the first pair my boys have ever owned! "What?!" you ask. "How do you have three boys without buying any rainboots?!" Well, the answer is simple. I honestly didn't think they were necessary. They just walked around the puddles. Then, I finally realized that I have three little boys. And little boys should get to jump in puddles. So I broke down and bought some.

And you know what? It was the best time at the pumpkin patch we've ever had.

I caught this picture right before Gavin lost his balance and fell off the chair!

Getting down the business

Jacob walked right into the first mud puddle he could find. ;)

Gavin, boots and all, still wouldn't go anywhere near them.

Casey kept looking at me like, "Really mom?! Are you sure I can stomp in this puddle?"

We found our pumpkins in record time this year! The boys pretty much picked up the first ones they saw. :)

Then we headed to the corn maze.

The boys tried to find their way with the map...

... but they soon discovered that following Daddy was the best method.

I love this one.

We found all sorts of fun Egyptian things.

And stamped their little cards so they could get a prize.

Checking out the farm animals

This Mommy loves her boys!!!

106 pounds of pumpkins! I think when we have four next year, we'll just get them for the kids. ;)

Pregnancy and adoption

2011-10-17T23:32:00.000-07:00

People often reference pregnancy when they are adopting. There are many similarities like deciding when and how to tell people, choosing a name, reading books on what to expect, decorating the baby's room, stocking up on supplies you will need, etc. I remember one of my good friends telling me that she was pregnant right around the time we were anticipating a referral. We were actually pregnant together when I had Casey so we were joking that it was almost like we were pregnant together again... except I had to travel instead of give birth. :)

The longer I'm in this process though, the more I realize just how different it is from pregnancy.

When I was pregnant, my belly grew by the day and even strangers would ask if I was expecting. Those feelings of nausea, little kicks in my tummy, doctor appointments, swollen feet, Braxton Hicks, were all reminders that our new baby was coming soon. Now that I don't have those daily reminders or conversations, I feel more disconnected and sometimes everything can seem so surreal.

When I was pregnant, my baby felt so safe inside my tummy. I had control over the things I ate and drank, the things I didn't eat and drink, how much I exercised, how much I didn't exercise... ;) With adoption, we don't have any control over what our child's birth mother did or didn't do while she was pregnant... and we don't have any control over our baby's current well-being.

When I was pregnant, I was guaranteed to be delivering my baby in less than 42 weeks. With adoption, we have no guarantees of when we will meet our baby for the first time, or even if this is the same baby we will bring home.

When I was pregnant, I did not have to fill out huge stacks of paperwork, get letters of reference, clean my house meticulously for a home study visit, take online courses, spend my nights making copies at Fed Ex/Kinkos... and I definitely didn't know what the words dossier or apostille meant. Now these words are all very much a part of my life, as well as the lingering expiration date when I will have to do them all over again.

After I was pregnant, I was with my children nearly every moment and helped create all of the life experiences they have had. When you are adopting, you are bringing home a child whose world has likely been crushed, who may have extreme attachment struggles, and who will one day ask about their biological mother and why they were left in an orphanage.

At the same time, I am expecting though. (Sometimes, my husband even asks me if I'm pregnant because I seem super forgetful or when I am going through crazy nesting stages.) A little girl is going to come into our life and life as we know it will never be the same. This little girl will call us mommy and daddy and depend on us to meet her every need, be her strongest advocate, and love her with all of our heart. We will do everything we can to raise her with unconditional love, security in who she is, and to be everything that God has created her to be. We know God's heart for the orphan and will trust Him to take care of our little girl until we bring her home. And hey, this time I won't even have to recover from major surgery or work off those extra pregnancy pounds. :)

Pumpkin Patch - Take One

2011-10-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

It was a sunny day, my husband was on a trip, we had absolutely no plans... hey, let's go to the pumpkin patch!

I didn't want to take anything away from when we went together as a family, so I took the boys to a brand-new patch that looked pretty fun.

They loved holding the baby kittens!

A wagon ride out to the pumpkins! It was pretty cute how they didn't mind that we weren't getting any. Almost as if it was obvious we would never get pumpkins without daddy!

Riding the cow train

Jumping down the hay barrels

There was tractor riding

Sliding

Pumpkin bowling

All in all, a pretty fun place!

Especially since I treated the boys to apple cider, caramel apples, and pumpkin pie before we left! ;)

Lovin' these boys!

2011-10-16T22:21:00.000-07:00

A note from Steven Curtis Chapman

2011-10-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

According to UNICEF, there are 143 million children in the world who have lost one or both parents.

In America alone, there are half a million children in foster care, and approximately 120,000 of these children are waiting to be adopted. In many countries, children are too often orphaned or abandoned because of poverty, disabilities and disease; every 15 seconds, a child loses a parent because of AIDS. These are staggering facts that can seem overwhelming and discouraging, but I believe that God has a loving plan for each child, and that plan is you and me.

Caring for these children is not the job of governments or institutions; instead, it is the job of families, people and communities. As Christians, our compassion is simply a response to the love that God has already shown us. Mother Teresa would constantly remind those who worked with her that the Bible clearly teaches that whatever we do for the least of these, we do for Jesus. So in a very real sense, caring for orphans is a chance to meet the person of Jesus in "the guise of human suffering." This is an invitation from the heart of God to know him and to experience his love.

Nine years ago, my wife and my eldest daughter, Emily, traveled to Haiti on a mission trip. Having been exposed to extreme poverty for the first time, Emily returned home with a determined passion to make a difference in the lives of at-risk children.

Only 12 years old, Emily went on an all-out campaign to persuade us to adopt. She bought a book on international adoption with her Christmas money and would read it to us regularly. She began fervently praying and writing letters to Mary Beth and me, encouraging us to consider giving a waiting child a home. Emily knew God was leading us in the direction of adoption; however, Mary Beth and I were not yet convinced.

My wife and I had always supported the idea of adoption, and as Christians, we understood the importance of loving and caring for others. But what I had not yet grasped was that adoption is a physical picture of what Jesus has done for me. I did nothing to deserve God's love; in fact, I was living as an orphan, without hope. Yet God chose to pursue a relationship with me, and through the death of his son Jesus, I was adopted into God's family.

My wife and I began moving toward adoption with fear and trembling and asking all the questions people ask. I remember Mary Beth crying herself to sleep at night saying, "What are we doing? I can't do this." However, God kept reassuring us that this was the direction he was leading us. It was a huge journey of faith for us.

In May of 2000, we found ourselves in a hotel room in China's Hunan province, welcoming the newest member of our family, Shaohannah Hope. From that moment, we began our journey into the world of adoption, orphan care and Shaohannah's Hope.

We went on to adopt Stevey Joy and Maria. Recently, our youngest daughter, Maria, passed from life on this earth and is now safely in the arms of Jesus. We have been completely overwhelmed by the love and support of so many during this time of deep, deep sadness. Through all that we've experienced, one thing we still know is true: God's heart is for the orphan.

In our travels to Latin America, Africa and Asia, we have visited many different orphanages. If you look past the surroundings and into the eyes of the children, they all have the same look. They seem to convey, "I don't think this is what I was made for. Where do I belong?"

These children are crying out for the hope of a family, for the hope of community, for the hope of a permanent love. Our mission, and the mission of our adoption charity, Shaohannah's Hope, is to show hope to these children and to mobilize people, families and communities to be living examples of God's love for them.

We started Shaohannah's Hope in order to connect willing families with waiting children, but the reality is that there are many orphans who cannot be adopted. Even though we may not be able to bring them into our homes, we still have the opportunity to show them the hope we have.

If only 7 percent of the 2 billion Christians in the world would care for a single orphan in distress, there would effectively be no more orphans. If everybody would be willing to simply do something to care for one of these precious treasures, I think we would be amazed by just how much we could change the world.

We can each do something, whether it is donating, adopting, fostering, mentoring, visiting orphans or supporting families that have taken in orphans. You can change the world for an orphan."

A Rainy Day

2011-10-09T21:19:00.000-07:00

I'm a little sad that summer has so quickly turned to fall... that it's getting dark shortly after dinner... that we had to pull our boat out of the water... that the weather forecast is rain as far as we can see. Thank goodness for the seasons though... for pumpkin spice lattes and pumpkin patches... for beautiful colored leaves and the smell of applesauce in the crockpot... for a glimpse of Christmas decorations and traditions to look forward to. Because this is what keeps me going when the sunshine is nowhere to be found.

I have to get a little creative on these rainy days, especially when my husband is out-of-town.

I think I mentioned that all three of my boys LOVE crafts. However, it always seems that we don't have the supplies laying around to make the crafts they find. So I found these little craft animals at JoAnns. Everything you need is cut out in a little bag and you just glue it all together. Perfect.

So Jacob and Gavin put on a little puppet show for me.

Then they realized that our loft upstairs was the perfect setting for a puppet show. At first, Casey didn't get that he was supposed to hide so we could only see his puppet. ;)

Then he figured it out!

Standing up to take a bow!

I knew our loft would have a good purpose one day!

Speaking of...

2011-10-05T22:30:00.000-07:00

Oh my sweet little Casey... except there are days when he isn't so sweet. There are days when he is crying and fighting me the entire way. Days when I have to drag him out of the grocery store. Days when he hardly leaves me alone long enough to take a shower. I happen to have a terrible memory so I can't remember if Jacob and Gavin were this challenging when they were toddlers. So I'm writing this as a reminder... just in case our little girl has some terrible two-ness of her own. In case I wonder someday, was Casey this high maintenance when he was her age? The answer is YES. Yes, he was.

Oh, the cuteness though! All Casey has to do is tilt his head sideways and give me that big cheesy grin and I get all wrapped up in his cuteness. He says the cutest things. He does the cutest things. Yet, there are times when he completely drains me, especially since he stopped napping. That little mid-day break was much needed and now I am officially on mommy duty the entire day. And let me tell you, Casey wants to be with me every second of every day.

Speaking of every second every day, normally my kiddos would start preschool this year, However, since Casey's birthday is August 22nd, (and with all that first grade teacher experience in me ;), I'm pretty sure that we will wait until he is 6 to start school. I just don't feel like three years of preschool is necessary and it just so happens that we haven't even started potty training... so here we are at home! With all the traveling we will be doing, it's definitely a great year to take a break from preschool.

Speaking of potty training, I would usually be diving into those waters by now. We waited until Jacob and Gavin turned three to be sure they were ready, and it worked like a charm. However, as soon as Casey turned three, we thought we would be traveling to Russia any day. We didn't want to start potty training and leave him in the hands of our parents (so thoughtful and considerate, right? ;)... so we waited. Now we've waited so long that we probably could have had him potty trained! All in all though, I think it will be better if we wait, lest he revert back to diaperhood each time we leave the country.

Speaking of Russia, we still don't have our first travel dates. :( Our adoption agency casually mentioned that they still think we will have our daughter home by December. I can't seem to wrap my head around making three trips to Russia between now and December... I'm not even convinced that it's possible! I am trusting that everything will be in God's timing. Although I haven't yet come to terms that she is nearly eleven months old because all I have is her adorable seven month picture in my head. So I think I will be in shock when I see how much she's grown. On a side note, I have been reading lots and lots of blogs and sadly, many of them are losing referral after referral. So I just feel blessed that so far, we still have the same little girl to bring home!

The sweetest little prayer

2011-10-05T22:17:00.000-07:00

Casey said his first little prayer tonight. All by himself. I thought my heart was going to melt all over the floor. It was seriously the sweetest thing ever. These are the moments when I feel like the luckiest person in the world... just to be a mommy.

Typically, I start off by saying, "Thank you God..." and he fills in by yelling, "Motorcycle! Airplane! Helicopter! Stars!" Then I repeat each word he thinks of and we say Amen together.

Tonight though, he looked right at me and said, "I say thank you to God mommy." And in the cutest, sweetest, three-year old little voice, he confidently said, "Thank you God for helicopters. Thank you God for airplanes. Thank you God for motorcycles. Thank you God for Jakey and Gavin. Thank you God for mommy spank. (At least I think that's what he said, which totally cracked me up. I hardly ever spank him, but I guess he is thankful for discipline? Haha!) Thank you God for eating lunch. Thank you God for...

At one point, I asked him if he was all done and he said no. He wanted to say thank you to God again. I pretty much wanted to live in this moment forever so I was more than happy to listen as he repeated his list again. It was funny to hear him go from yelling the words as he has done for so many nights to just softly speaking in sentences. I can only imagine how sweet the sound of little children praying must be to God! Because to me, it is the sweetest sound in the world.

Matthew 18:3 And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

A Day at the Fair!

2011-09-26T14:52:00.000-07:00

Jacob was so excited to do the fair with his grammy and cousin Maddie this year! I think I mentioned in my post last spring that Jacob was getting a little too big for those kiddie rides... so this year he was brave enough to try the BIG roller coaster with his cousin!

Compared to the Screamin' roller coaster that Adam convinced him to try in California Adventure, this probably seemed like a piece of cake. ;)

Nonetheless, I was super proud of him.

Then my sister's husband took Maddie and Jacob to play some games while my mom and I took Gavin and Casey on some rides. Gavin was SUPER concerned that Jacob wasn't going on these rides anymore and was VERY picky about which ones he chose. In fact, I realized that the only rides he would go on were the exact ones that Jacob went on last spring. I think he was worried that he was getting too big also... but if Jacob went on them last spring, then he could go on them too.

So he willingly accompanied Casey on the canoe...

...and agreed to help him steer those little cars.

Casey could barely see over the wheel! So cute!

He let Casey ride the helicopter on his own though. :)

And the airplane...

And the motorcycles... (so basically, Casey got to go on a lot more rides!)

Daddy would be so proud. ;)

Then Gavin finally agreed to go on the little roller coaster! (I also took Maddie, Jacob, and Gavin on the super slide but I couldn't get pics of that.)

Then we headed over to get spray tattoos

Petting the animals! Look at all those hands!

Going to town on that turkey leg!

We were heading toward the tractor pull when we found this super fun circus show! Instead of circus de soleil, they described themselves as "circus do okay". So funny!

Jacob is in awe of juggling, so he couldn't believe this guy was juggling fire!

They did all sorts of fun tricks!

The boys loved it!

Unicycling and juggling fire on a tightrope!

Acrobatics

And the grand finale!

This guy was up SOOO high! I think he said 80 feet!

Such a fun, memorable day!

Jacob even set up lunch for the little plush toys he won at the fair. ;)

Status update...

2011-09-16T22:03:00.000-07:00

I'm slowly adjusting to our very different routine this year! Last year, (after getting Jacob on the bus) I was driving Gavin to and from preschool three times a week, volunteering in Jacob's classroom, taking Casey to Little Gym, driving Gavin to speech... pretty much constantly busy! This year, all I have to do is get Jacob and Gavin on the bus. Instead of running straight to the car to get to preschool on-time... Casey and I come inside, make some coffee, get some chores accomplished, and just hang out. Eventually, I am going to try to make Zumba a few times each week, sign Casey up for a class or two, and go to MOPS. For now though, I am appreciating the one-on-one time that is SO rare with my littlest guy.

Not to say that I don't miss my older two boys while they are at school, because they both have a huge part of my heart while they are away! As much as Casey loves having me all to himself, I can tell he really misses his big brothers too. :) I am slowly getting used to two different school schedules, folders, library days, homework patterns... Oh, how am I going to organize all of this when I have four kids??

We are still waiting on dates from Russia. Although I was thankful to be home with the boys for their first day of school, I am a little disheartened that we haven't left for our first trip yet. It seems so sad to me that this little girl has a family ready to bring her home... yet here we are... waiting. Two and a half months have gone by since we received our referral. I can't believe our little girl is already ten months old! Our adoption agency is trying to contact the orphanage director and see if they can find out any more information for us. Until then, we pray... and wait some more.

Blogs like this are so so inspiring, but leave me feeling a little apprehensive about our future. I feel so blessed that we are able to adopt, so blessed that we can give this little girl a home and a family, so blessed to say there will soon be 147 million orphans MINUS ONE. I know there will be challenging times ahead though. Oh, what my life will be like one year from now... after the airport.

Some other randoms...

2011-09-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

Jacob made this garden stone for Father's Day when he was 18 months old. Since then it was dropped and broken, but it is one of Casey's favorite puzzles to put back together!

The boys really love printing crafts from the computer. I found this one glued, yes glued to our fence. Silly monkey!

Jacob decided on all his own one sunny day that he wanted to have a rock sale. I was hesitant at first, but it was actually one of the most adorable things I've ever seen.

He divided them into three categories...

He patiently, patiently waited. My heart was sort of breaking for him at first, because nobody was coming. So I bought a rock, Adam bought a rock, Gavin bought a rock, Casey bought a rock... then our neighbor came over and gave Jacob a whole dollar for some rocks! ;) Some good friends, the milkman, and a couple walking by ~~took pity on him~~ bought a rock too. By the end of the day, the rocks were all gone and Jacob was $8.50 richer!

Then Gavin was begging me to help him make some lemonade so he could have a lemonade stand next to Jacob. So we made some cold lemonade, out of real lemons even!

Those sweet boys sat out there for hours. Jacob got a head start on the rocks so I kept buying cups of lemonade from Gavin, telling him how thirsty mommy was! Finally he said, "Mommy, that's enough lemonade for you I think..." Ha!

I found Casey using his Operation game to eat raisins.

Pretty darn creative if you ask me! But yuck!

So independent

Some more crafts

Playing with friends in the backyard

Picking snap peas from our garden

Towing Daddy's hat on his tricycle

Never a dull moment at our house!