Questions and answers

How is Ella doing now?

It's been two and a half months since Ella has been home and I can honestly say, the more time that goes by, the happier she is and the more familiar things become for her and everyone in our family.   The tantrums she would throw in the beginning are few and far between now.  Our international doctor explained that it was the only way she knew how to cope with all of the change, especially since she couldn't understand or speak our language.  The funny thing is, she always starts backing up before she throws a fit, so if I reach out for a hug as she's backing up, the tantrum is usually avoided altogether.  She truly just wants to be loved, which is such a blessing!  Anytime I pick her up, she immediately cuddles into me and is comforted.  I remember having a hard time getting her to smile at first and now she smiles effortlessly.  Sometimes I think since I never saw how life was for her in the orphanage, I just assume her life started at thirteen months with us.  Believe me, I know this is not the case.  Sometimes I just feel like she is doing so well, I forget what her life was like a mere three months ago.

As amazing as the caregivers in Yaroslavl were and as much as they loved our daughter, with the high ratio of children to caregivers, Ella was not in an ideal setting by any means.  I could tell she adored the orphanage caregivers because of the way she nuzzled into them when they were bringing her or picking her up from our room.  I also feel like she had to have spent considerable time outside her crib if she was walking at the age of one.  I don't know anything for sure though.  I don't know how long she spent in a crib each day, I don't know how long she cried before her needs were met, I don't know how often she was held and played with... and the truth is, I never will know.  I also have to keep in mind what I do know:  Ella's birth mother left immediately after she was born.  I remember learning in Psychology about how babies pick up the sound of their mommies in the womb and highly prefer this sound after they are born.  Just the fact that after Ella was born, she never got to hear the sound of her mommy's voice again is a huge loss.  All of these things are very real and Ella will have to deal with the grief and loss over them for the rest of her life.  The hurt doesn't magically disappear when she is adopted.  As her mommy, it breaks my heart to think about the things she has already gone through in her short little life. 

The consequences of living in an orphanage (especially long-term) are severe.  So severe that Russian judges still allow Americans to adopt their babies after six months, even though some of these children have died at the hand of their U.S. adoptive parents.  So severe that these statistics are the result.  This is one of the reasons I'm so passionate about adoption.  Once you see a group of toddlers without mommies and daddies holding hands out to the orphanage playground, you are never the same.  I wish I could take them all.

That said, we had Ella's two month check up at the Adoption Center in Seattle last week and she has gained two and a half pounds!  She went from the 5th percentile to the 17 percentile in two months!  Amazing.  With all of the things Russia stated as concerns on her referral paperwork, she has proved over and over that she is a healthy girl.  Her bloodwork, kidneys, and eyesight were all found to be normal and her umbilical hernia is purely cosmetic.  To God be the glory.

How are you doing?

I am doing a lot better too!  The first few weeks home were tough, the first days Adam went back to work were tough, Casey went through a period when he was really jealous, Ella had days when she wanted nothing but to be held, the boys have all been sick.  This is a lot to handle when you have four kids who all need you!  I keep on figuring out our new life together though.  I keep on finding new routines that work with baths, homework, and bedtime.  I keep on trying to spend quality time with each of my kids everyday.  Some days are really hard and I collapse on the couch in tears.  Some days go really smoothly and I tuck them into bed and breathe a sigh of relief.  These are the days when I feel like I can do this.  I can have four kids and survive.  I can have four kids and still be a good mommy.

The thing is God never promised that adoption would be easy.  He never promised life would be easy.  I love what this mom said in her blog.

"Are we happy?
Yep.
Would we do it again?
No doubt, yes.
Is it the hardest thing I have ever done?

A
b
s
l
u
t
e
l
y

But last I checked my goal isn't to take up residence on Easy Street,
I think that is a crowded, overpopulated neighborhood. 

go.
serve
love. 
be more like HIM
It's what I want to do.
It's where I want to live."

Is Ella learning English?

Yes!  She is learning the names of her brothers and can say hi, toast, cracker, tuck, thank you, down, Sy, momma, dada.   Her International Doctor said that even five words at this point is a huge accomplishment!  She definitely responds to what we are saying so we can tell she is understanding many English words as well.  I also noticed that if any of the boys are crying, she immediately walks over and sits on their lap. 

Quotes from the boys

Me: (After watching Jacob put on Ella's boots, carry her outside, and push her on the swing.) Wow, Jacob. You are being such a good big brother!
Jacob: Yep! I take such good care of her!
Me: It's a little cold outside though... let's get her jacket.
Jacob: But she doesn't need a jacket because she used to live in Russia. It's WAY colder there!

Gavin:  "Ella I know you really miss your friends in Russia.  It's okay, you'll make new friends."
"We are goin' to school now Ella.  Don't worry, mom will take care of ya!"

Casey:  (After saying he wanted Ella to go back to Russia at one point)  "Mommy, Ella can stay here.  If someone takes her to Russia, we will go get her back."
"Mommy, Ella is out."  (Referring to her umbilical hernia) "Casey is in and Ella is out." "Ella is out because she's a girl."  Hmmmm... I guess since Casey and all of his brothers have innie belly buttons, that's an understandable assumption!

I even heard Casey singing the A,B,C song in bed last night and Ella harmonized right along with him.  Heart melted.