Pregnancy and adoption

People often reference pregnancy when they are adopting.  There are many similarities like deciding when and how to tell people, choosing a name, reading books on what to expect, decorating the baby's room, stocking up on supplies you will need, etc.  I remember one of my good friends telling me that she was pregnant right around the time we were anticipating a referral.  We were actually pregnant together when I had Casey so we were joking that it was almost like we were pregnant together again...  except I had to travel instead of give birth.  :)

The longer I'm in this process though, the more I realize just how different it is from pregnancy. 

• When I was pregnant, my belly grew by the day and even strangers would ask if I was expecting.  Those feelings of nausea, little kicks in my tummy, doctor appointments, swollen feet, Braxton Hicks, were all reminders that our new baby was coming soon.  Now that I don't have those daily reminders or conversations, I feel more disconnected and sometimes everything can seem so surreal. 

• When I was pregnant, my baby felt so safe inside my tummy.  I had control over the things I ate and drank, the things I didn't eat and drink, how much I exercised, how much I didn't exercise... ;)  With adoption, we don't have any control over what our child's birth mother did or didn't do while she was pregnant... and we don't have any control over our baby's current well-being.  

• When I was pregnant, I was guaranteed to be delivering my baby in less than 42 weeks. With adoption, we have no guarantees of when we will meet our baby for the first time, or even if this is the same baby we will bring home.  

• When I was pregnant, I did not have to fill out huge stacks of paperwork, get letters of reference, clean my house meticulously for a home study visit, take online courses, spend my nights making copies at Fed Ex/Kinkos... and I definitely didn't know what the words dossier or apostille meant.  Now these words are all very much a part of my life, as well as the lingering expiration date when I will have to do them all over again.

• After I was pregnant, I was with my children nearly every moment and helped create all of the life experiences they have had.  When you are adopting, you are bringing home a child whose world has likely been crushed, who may have extreme attachment struggles, and who will one day ask about their biological mother and why they were left in an orphanage.

At the same time, I am expecting though.  (Sometimes, my husband even asks me if I'm pregnant because I seem super forgetful or when I am going through crazy nesting stages.)  A little girl is going to come into our life and life as we know it will never be the same.  This little girl will call us mommy and daddy and depend on us to meet her every need, be her strongest advocate, and love her with all of our heart.  We will do everything we can to raise her with unconditional love, security in who she is, and to be everything that God has created her to be.  We know God's heart for the orphan and will trust Him to take care of our little girl until we bring her home. And hey, this time I won't even have to recover from major surgery or work off those extra pregnancy pounds.  :)